


How Not to be a Boy

by viva_hate



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Slow Burn, Toxic Masculinity, angst angst angst, basically billy is not okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:35:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25150249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viva_hate/pseuds/viva_hate
Summary: Neil had all these rules about what boys could do and what they couldn't do. What was for queers and what was for girls. They were stupid rules, sure, but they were simple. Step by step instructions on how Billy could be someone worth loving.Steve goddamn Harrington made him break every one of those stupid rules and still looked at him like he was worth something.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley/Heather Holloway, Steve Harrington/Nancy Wheeler
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	How Not to be a Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely inspired by How Not to Be a Boy by Robert Webb. I didn't read it or anything, but I definitely skimmed the back cover.

Turns out Hawkins, Indiana was a shithole. Not that Billy was surprised or anything, he just kept waiting for the _but._ Smelt like cow shit but the girls were cute, he ruled that one out pretty quick. Shitty town but the weather was nice, another dud. It was only October and Billy was freezing with temperatures that already dipped into the fifties at night.

He thought briefly Hawkins’ _but_ could be that parties, but that wasn’t true either, apparently. He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up in the first place but he was getting desperate to find just one good about this town that seemed determined to make Billy’s life as miserable, bland, and manure scented as possible.

The party was at Tammy Thompson’s house. The only thing Billy knew about Tammy was that she liked to sing, and that the only friend he had made in his first week at school was kind of obsessed with her. Her name was Robin, his friend, and from what Billy could gather she was a total band geek. Not all that popular, but capable of getting an incitation to a party despite not being on a first name basis with anyone there. That was someone Billy wanted in his corner, so he stayed close to her side.

Back in California the parties were so packed kids would be spilling out of the house into the yard, there would be kids doing lines of god knows what off the kitchen counter, they were _fun._ Nothing about this was particularly fun, but at least there was booze. Billy helped himself to a beer and wandered off to mingle.

Next thing he knew he was doing a kegstand in the cold as balls Indiana night air. There was a group of kids around him chanting his name by the time he was placed back on his feet, wiping his mouth on his sleeve with a grin.

“He’s better than Harrington!” Someone, Billy had no clue who, shouted.

“We’ve got ourselves a new keg king!” Someone else added, and then he was whisked away by some kid with freckles and short hair.

“You’ve got to meet Steve,” the kid said all excited. “He’s the coolest. I’m Tommy, by the way.”

Judging by what Billy had heard Steve was kind of hot shit around town, and the only one that could do a decent kegstand. _Was_ the only one.

They found Steve in the kitchen, tucked into a corner and wrapped around some brunette chick who was batting at his chest without much determination. She blushing as pink as the dress she had on. Steve didn’t seem to mind her embarrassment, just grinned into the kisses he was pressing onto her neck.

“Harrington!” Tommy greeted, clapping him on the back. Steve turned around with the same stupid grin on his face and pulled his friend into a hug.

“Hey man,” Steve greeted with an easy air about him, hands on his hips. He didn’t even glance in Billy’s direction until Tommy threw an arm around his shoulders and excitedly told Steve “the new kid can do a kegstand longer than you, man!”

Steve’s eyes flitted over then. The asshole actually had the nerve to look Billy up and down. King Steve was preppy with perfectly gelled hair and a pretty girlfriend. He had a smile that was aggravatingly charming and a whole bunch of moles that all the girls must have thought were just adorable. He was also totally unimpressed with Billy. “Hey,” he said but his voice was cold. “Congrats.”

“Thanks,” Billy replied as they met in a gaze they both refused to break until Tommy started talking excitedly again and Steve’s attention snapped back to him. Billy spotted Robin on the other side of the kitchen and silently excused himself.

Robin was sitting crisscross on the counter with a big bowl of potato chips in her lap as she spoke exuberantly to a crowd of people that had gathered around her.

“All I’m saying is that unlike any of you bitches, I actually _have_ gone dumpster diving and trust me, you do not want to know what’s- hey Billy!”

The crowd of people started to disperse when they realized her rant was over. They disbanded with a ripple of laughter and a few whoops.

“Thought you didn’t know anyone here?”

“I don’t,” Robin smiled. “Just talking to them.”

“You’re drunk,” Billy said, but he was wobbling a little himself.

“Extremely. Open.” Robin commanded, stuffing a chip in his mouth when he obliged.

“I met Steve,” Billy told her through a mouthful of chip, leaning against the counter where she was sitting.

“I _love_ Steve,” Robin groaned, throwing her head back. “He’s so stupid, and he’s got stupid hair. He’s fucking _awesome.”_

“Seems like a dick to me.”

“Oh, totally. Hugest dick ever, but also awesome.”

They shot the shit a little longer. Billy made Robin laugh so hard she snorted liquor out of her nose. She even managed to get a few laughs out of him as well. By the time the bowl was running low Tommy came back over, cheeks pinker than they had been earlier. “Billy!” he shouted like they were good friends already.

“And Robin!” she piped up from the counter.

“You have to come meet Brad,” Tommy enthused, grabbing Billy by the wrist and tugging him away. He shot Robin a look which she understood perfectly and hopped off the counter to follow after them. Billy tugged his wrist out of Tommy’s grip and adjusted his jacket, falling a step behind him to walk next to Robin.

“Hey Brad!” Tommy greeted as they approached. A blond kid in a letterman looked up from where he was sat on the couch talking to none other than King Steve Harrington. Just Billy’s luck.

“You gotta meet the new kid,” Tommy told him, but Brad’s eyes skipped right over Billy and narrowed in on Robin, who was clearly out of place in a terrible baggy t-shirt and giggly from booze. 

“Who’s the chick?” Brand demanded.

“Which one?” Steve asked. Brad snickered and high fived him.

_Billy had been growing his hair out for the past year. He was happy with the length. He was proud of the length, even. It made him look like all the rockers he saw on posters around town. He was in fifth grade, among the oldest in his elementary school and he felt like a king getting to be one of the big kids._

_One of the third graders had made the mistake of insulting his hair at recess. “It’s ugly,” he sneered. “Makes you look like a girl.” Billy clenched his small hand into a fist and popped the third grader right in the jaw. When he didn’t fall over like they did in all the movies Billy shoved him down and dropped on top of him. He got a few more slugs in before a teacher was hauling Billy off of him. “Don’t call me that!” Billy was screaming, “I’m not a girl!”_

_Neil had a stern talking to Billy that night, a talk that used a lot more fists than words. As Billy sat on the edge of his mattress with a split lip he sobbed to his father and tried, once again, to tell him what had happened. “Connor said I look like a girl, dad,” Billy said desperately, pleading with his father for him to understand._

_Neil dug his hands into Billy’s shoulders, dark and dangerous eyes peering into Billy’s glassy blue ones. “Can’t blame him when you act like one,” his father spat. “Boys pick on boys their own size, Billy. Now are you a boy?”_

_“Yes,” Billy whined, wiping a stream of snot away with the back of his arm._

_“Then act like it.”_

Neil had all sorts of rules about what made a boy, about what boys could do and what they couldn’t. Boys don’t cry, Billy, and boys don’t wear that, Billy. The rules were ridiculous for the most part, but Billy couldn’t shake them, even as he got older.

Even as he stood in what’s-her-face’s living room being called a chick by some asshole he just met his dad’s words rang right through his head as clear as they were when he was ten years old in his bedroom being scolded.

_Pick on someone your own size, Billy._

He was pretty sure this Steve guy was taller than him.

“Get up.”

_Are you a boy, Billy?_

Steve rose to his feet.

_Then start acting like one._

Steve _was_ taller than him, just by an inch or so, but he was so little. He was lean where Billy was buff. Where Billy had toned muscles and definition Steve had boney elbows and arms that weren’t skinny, but weren’t ripped either. He definitely wasn’t someone Billy would consider his size. Wasn’t what anyone would consider a fair fight.

“What the fuck did you just call me?” Billy asked, voice low but steady. As calm as if he were asking about the weather outside. Steve still had the ghost of a laugh on his face like he thought this was hilarious. Hell, he probably did.

“Dude, I didn’t-“ But Steve didn’t get to finish that sentence because Billy drew his fist back and had it colliding with Steve’s cheek. “What the fucking _shit,_ man,” he groaned, doubled over and clutching at his cheek. He stood back up and Billy struck again. Opposite fist, opposite cheek, and Steve groaned again but he didn’t double over.

He looked pissed now, rightfully so, and when Billy raised another fist Steve lunged at him and knocked him a solid one right in the jaw. The whole party had gone silent, people were gathering in the living room to watch the fight. The new kid beat up King Steve, it had to be the most interesting thing to happen in this town since… ever.

Billy rubbed at the sore spot on his jaw grinning. “Oh, you shouldn’t have done that.” He had spent the last seven years getting into fights with kids older than him, kids bigger than him, all because of Neil’s stupid pep talk, his ridiculous rules. Billy could take on damn near anyone, he had the practice, fighting Steve was nothing.

“I’m not scared of-“ Billy cut him off again with a punch to the nose and Steve went down. There was a collective gasp around the room, and suddenly everyone that had been crowding around took a step back.

He met Robin’s eyes on the way out. She looked sobered up despite the persistent blush that tinted her cheeks. Her eyes were wide with terror and she stood stock-still as Billy pushed past her to the door. She’d find her own ride home. Whatever.

No one started talking again until he left the house, and no one followed him out the his car where he gave the steering wheel a few frustrated bangs before peeling out. Beating the shit out of Steve wasn’t as satisfying as he’d hoped, definitely not worth the reputation it was going to give him.

Hawkins officially had no redeeming qualities.

When Billy went back to school on Monday people were looking at him. Not in the way everyone looked at the new kid, the way people look at the kid who beat up their beloved star basketball player; with equal parts terror and adoration.

Some people whispered when he passed by in the halls, which was annoying but nothing he couldn’t get used to. At least something interesting was going on. Billy was starting to think that _interesting_ and _Indiana_ couldn’t coexist.

The only real downside to all this was Robin seemed to be avoiding him. They didn’t take too many of the same classes, Robin opting for as many music classes as she could get and Billy filling his schedule with lit and lang, but they had calculus together. By the time Billy showed up Robin had a taken a seat right in the front of the class next to another girl he couldn’t name, not in their usual spot in the back.

So math was lonely, and lunch was kind of lonely, but it wasn’t like he had to sit alone. He ended up sitting with Tommy from the party and his girlfriend Carol. They were nice enough, Billy supposed. But Carol had an opinion about everything, Tommy couldn’t stop touching her, and Billy couldn’t joke around with them the same way he could with Robin.

“You should join basketball,” Tommy said after Carol finished up an unprompted, in depth ranking of every member of the team.

“I don’t know,” Billy hummed. “Think I might be too good for this town.”

Tommy barked out a laugh. Billy wasn’t joking, though. He wasn’t exceptionally tall or anything, but he could just tell he’d kick all these asshole’s asses at any sport they chose. Just so happened to be basketball season.

“Fine,” Billy says. “Sounds fun. Whatever.”

That’s how he found himself in the gym after school, roughing around with all the jocks at Hawkins High. He changed into the required uniform without complaint, but breathed out a sigh of relief when he was put on the skins team and got to ditch the shirt. Harrington was on shirts, which only made the whole thing better.

Steve didn’t seem too thrilled about Billy joining the team, so Billy gave him a little extra attention. He tripped the asshole whenever he came near, knocked him to the ground whenever he thought he could get away with it. By the time they were wrapping up for the night Billy was sure Steve’d gotten a bruise on his ass to match the ones on his face. And if Billy peeked to confirm his suspicions while they were showering later, well that’s no one’s business but his own.

At his old school kids were all about _pride_ and shit. If Billy kicked someone’s ass back in Cali he could expect to get a beating right back within the week. One kid had even come at Billy with a knife after losing in a fight, got a nasty cut on his arm and a little dig through his eyebrow. He wouldn’t call himself paranoid exactly, more cautious. So he kept an eye on Steve, kept an ear out to see if he’d been talking about getting revenge, but Billy got nothing. Not a single sign that Harrington wanted to get back at him.

Steve walked around the hallways with his head up like his nose wasn’t swollen and bruising in rings under his eyes. He met his prissy girlfriend by her locker and smiled, and kissed her, and laughed like nothing had even happened. It was kind of reassuring, Billy was pretty sure the guy wasn’t going to come after him with a knife, but it was also infuriating in its own right. It only pissed Billy off more, made him more eager to get a reaction.

But Steve was scrawny by comparison. He was pretty shit in a fight, too. Billy couldn’t just go after him again.

He kept his hands to himself except during basketball practice where he’d do whatever he could to knock Steve off his feet. He learned exactly how far he could bend the rules of the game before getting penalized.

Steve never showed his frustration beyond giving Billy a few dirty looks. Off the court he could pretend Billy didn’t exist entirely. He grinned through the bruises until they faded entirely.

Eventually Billy stopped watching his back, but he didn’t stop watching Steve. He wasn’t stalking him or anything, didn’t follow him around, but in the mornings Billy liked to sit in his car in the parking lot until he saw Steve’s fancy Beamer pull in. He’d watch Steve and the ease he carried about him, watch how he always steals kisses from the priss in the morning with has on her cheeks and grin on his lips. The fucker was always smiling. He kept his eyes on Steve as he walked around like he owned the place because he did. He was popular, had this way of controlling a room.

The only person who seemed to notice Billy taking a special interest in a certain preppy asshole was Robin, who much to Billy’s relief, had started talking to him again. It didn’t take much to win her back over. He pulled a Diet Coke out of his bag in math and suddenly she wanted to be friends again. “I can’t believe you kicked Steve’s ass like that,” was all she had to say about that night at the party. “Everyone thought he was real tough.”

“He’s not,” Billy had replied.

They fell into a routine and a week later, in the same math class, Robin was sipping on Billy’s Diet Coke like she always did now. She gave him a look, which wasn’t part of the routine.

“What?”

“Nothing.” She took another sip of Billy’s Diet Coke and the look stayed.

“You’re looking at me.”

“No I’m not.” She didn’t pull her eyes away. “I’m thinking.”

“Thinking about _what?_ ” Billy snatched his drink back while he was at it.

“About what you’re plotting.”

“Who says I’m plotting anything?”

“I say! I’ve caught you staring at Steve on three separate occasions now. And yesterday after practice you waited in the parking lot until he left so you could pull out after him like a stalker!”

“What? I didn’t- why were you even at school so late?”

“Band, dingus.”

Right. Billy kept forgetting she was a band geek on top of being hyper and nosy. He really needed to make some more friends.

“I’m not plotting anything,” Billy said finally, with an edge to his voice that anyone else would read as _this conversation is over_ but Robin took as _this is on pause for now._

He wasn’t plotting, thank you very much. He was watching, and all the watching made Billy start _noticing._

Steve was an open book. Not that he was super chatty about how he was feeling, but his face was a dead giveaway. When he was upset everyone could see it, at least everyone who was looking could.

Today Steve had his head down, he wasn’t saying hi to everyone he passed, he wasn’t leaning against the lockers with his tongue down his girlfriend’s throat, something was definitely off.

It was still off at basketball practice. Everyone else was shooting hoops while they waited for Coach to show up and Steve was on the bench, glaring at the wall with furrowed brows and pouty lips.

“What’s got you down?” Billy asked, sitting down next to him.

Steve jumped about a foot in the air then fixed his glare on Billy instead. “Nothing,” he snapped.

“Trouble in paradise?” Billy offered, and he knew he hit the nail on the head because Steve got all defensive.

“Fuck off,” he said, elbows on his knees, chin in his hands. “I don’t want to talk about this. Especially with you.”

“I’m trying to help you,” Billy cooed. “So what’s your girl’s deal? Didn’t want to go out with you after she saw what you look like with a broken nose?”

“Fuck off,” Steve snapped, and stalked off onto the court. Billy had an evil glint in his eye as practice started. Steve was worked up already, this was going to be fun.

Billy spent practice antagonizing Harrington as usual. Tripped him whenever he got close enough, slammed into him hard whenever they crossed paths, went out of his way to block all of his shots. Usually Steve ignored it the best he could, but something had gotten into him. He was giving back to Billy everything he dished out, at least he was trying to. Billy was better at keeping his balance when Steve came barreling into his side, but it’s the effort that counts. Effort Steve didn’t usually put in.

“What’s up with Harrington?” Tommy asked loudly as Billy dribbled across the court with Steve hot on heels.

“He got dumped, the poor thing,” Billy said, loud enough for everyone to hear. That’s all it took to send Steve over the edge.

When Billy hopped to shoot the basket Steve forgot blocking the ball and lunged at Billy instead, catching him before his feet were even back on the ground and sent them both tumbling to the floor. Billy’s head hit the floor with a heavy thud and the wind was knocked out of him.

He opened his eyes but his eyelids were heavy, there were spots in his vision, and he saw three of Steve’s face hanging above him instead of just one. He thought he heard people yelling but they sounded like they were underwater.

“Gerroff me,” Billy grumbled, but Steve didn’t move. The little asshole was practically sitting on his chest. “Can’t breathe.”

Steve stayed put. Billy tried to tell him to move again but before he could get the words out he took a blow to the jaw. “The fuck?” Billy groaned, rubbing at the sore spot. “Did you just…”

_“What the hell did you do?” Neil demands, looking from a sobbing Max to a guilty Billy. “I leave you alone for five minutes and you make your sister cry?”_

_“I didn’t do anything,” Billy insists, but Max is still crying, holding the dismembered remains of the only Barbie she’s ever owned in her hands as proof._

_“You broke her toy.” Neil huffs. He grabs Billy by the upper arm and tugs him toward the stairs. “You and I are going to have a little talk.”_

_He drags Billy up to his room and shuts the door. “Now what did we talk about?”_

_Billy is silent, staring at the floor with his arms crossed tight over his chest._

_“You’re eleven now, you need to be able to use your words. Now tell me what we talked about.”_

_Billy remains silent._

_“Hey, look at me.” His voice sounds softer, and Billy looks up to meet his father’s eyes only to get backhanded the moment he does. “Tell me what we talked about!” Neil shrieks with a red face, spit flying from his lips._

_“Behaving,” Billy says quickly as his eyes fill with tears, “and being n-nice.”_

_“Don’t cry.” Neil snarls, “you need to learn to stick up for yourself.”_

_“I do stick up for myself,” Billy sniffles. He doesn’t know where this is going. The lessons seem contradictory and his father’s breath smells like liquor._

_Neil gives his shoulder a shove and Billy ignores it the best he can, just drops his head and cries a little harder._

_“Don’t be a baby,” Neil says and gives him another shove that sends him stumbling backwards. “When someone comes at you, Billy, you don’t shy away from them, got it?” He’s got a hand on Billy’s shoulder, squeezing painfully tight. Billy shoves the hand away with all his might but it falls right back into place._

_“You never come back at me. Or your sister,” he adds. “Are you a boy, Billy?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Boys don’t snap their sister’s dolls in half, got it? Boy’s don’t get to pick on_ anyone _unless they’re picked on first, then you take care of it. Except girls, you leave girls alone.”_

_Billy nods._

_“So who do you leave alone?”_

_“Girls. My sister.”_

_“And?”_

_“And dad.”_

_“Good boy,” Neil says, ruffling his hair before walking out of the room._

Billy used all the strength he could muster to sit up and throw himself on top of Steve, pinning him to the ground before he could get another punch in. Billy got one good swing in before Tommy grabbed him under the arms and dragged him off.

Tommy said something but he sounded too far away. Billy’s head hadn’t stopped swimming since he hit the ground and the spots in his vision are getting bigger.

“Let go of me,” Billy tried to say, slapping at the arms that were holding him up. “I’m gonna-“ the arms released him and Billy fell to his hands and knees, hurling his lunch and Diet Coke all over the gym floor.

“-And because the asshole tackled me during a game of basketball _I’m_ getting benched until the big game. Seriously, the last game of the season, the only game I’m going to be around for and he’s totally ruining my chances of getting any more practice in. I swear it was a scheme to try and get me off the team or something. He’s pissed I play better than him, can’t win a game with me around so he did what ever he needed to do to-“

“ _Billy,”_ Robin groaned. “This is the third time we’ve had this talk. You’re obsessed with him.”

“He gave me a concussion!”

“You laid in the nurses office for forty minutes then drove yourself home. You’re alright.”

Billy gave her an annoyed look. “The lady in the front office said she’s calling our parents today.”

“So?” Robin asks. “You got a speeding ticket last week, you get detention on a near daily basis, and I’ve watched you beat the shit out of him before. Will your parents really be surprised?”

“They’re just weird,” he said quietly. “And I’m not obsessed with Harrington.

“Yeah, sure,” Robin hummed. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Billy stopped following Steve. He didn’t want to see him strutting around without a care in the world while his own head throbbed, it would just piss him off. He didn’t see Steve until practice, which he still had to go to even though he couldn’t play. Coach said he’s still part of the team and still needs to be there. Billy suspected he just wanted someone to scrub the showers in the locker room and scrape gum off the bleachers.

Billy was the one sitting on the benches while everyone warmed up this time, and Steve was the one who stepped away from the group and walked over.

“You’re not dressed,” Steve said, hands on his hips.

Billy hadn’t bothered changing into the stupid green shorts. “I can’t play.”

“Really?” Steve seemed surprised. “I didn’t get benched.”

“Course you didn’t, you’re a fuckin’ suck up.”

“I’m not a suck up! I was _provoked!”_

“Is that what everyone’s saying? You tackled me, man.”

“You were being an asshole!” Steve puffed.

“Go away.” Billy said, but Steve took a seat.

“We’re getting calls home,” Steve said. “I just wanted to make sure you knew. My dad’s a total asshole and I’d hate to go home tonight without knowing I’m going to get my ass handed to me. Just wanted to give you a heads up.

Billy was quiet for a moment, having not expected Steve to try and be nice to him. “Yeah, I heard.” he said finally. Steve nodded, clapped Billy on the shoulder like they were all buddy buddy now and jogged back onto the court.

When Billy got home he tried to sneak up to his bedroom as quietly as possible but Neil was stopping him before he even got up the stairs.

“We need to talk.” He said. Billy was expecting it. He nodded and led the way to his bedroom, Neil followed and closed the door.

Neil had this twisted idea that closing the door made their little ‘talks’ private. He thought he could say whatever he wanted, do whatever he wanted to Billy and Susan and Max would be none the wiser. Billy knew Susan knew, there was no way she didn’t, but she still liked to pretend she was the good guy. She turned the other cheek to Neil’s particular methods of parenting and pretended she was any better. She reminded Billy of his mom.

Thinking about his mom made him sick to his stomach.

Maybe Max didn’t know. He sure hoped Max didn’t know what was really going on behind all the closed doors, but he wouldn’t expect her to do anything regardless. She was just a fucking kid after all.

“You’re getting into fights,” Neil said, voice all quiet like it always got right before he started screaming.

Billy stayed silent, debated if he should try to explain himself or go for an apology.

“Didn’t we just have this talk? Right before we moved here, I remember having a talk about this.”

Billy always forgot how to talk when Neil got like this. He got a lump in his throat, a disgusting sting pricking the back of his eyes, and fuck, nothing even happened yet and he was about to start crying like a baby.

“You remember the talk, don’t you?” Neil barked, giving Billy a shove so hard his back slammed into his shelves and a record went falling.

“I’m not supposed to get into any more fights.”

“Then what are you doing? Beating someone up over a game of basketball? That’s weak, Billy, you’re no so loser! Only cowards go around talking with their fists.”

“That’s fresh coming from you,” Billy said before he could stop himself. There was a tear falling down his cheek now. He wasn’t fucking weak.

Billy got an open palm to the cheek that he should’ve seen coming.

“Don’t talk back to me!” Neil snapped.

“H-he started it!” Billy said quickly, voice barely audible when Neil looked like he was about to do it again. “Harrington tackled me because he couldn’t stand losing and I wasn’t… I wasn’t about to let him walk all over me so I hit him back. Just once, I swear.”

Neil looked Billy in the eyes like he was trying to catch him lying. Eventually he nodded and backed off a little.

“Stay out of trouble,” he said, and turned to walk out of Billy’s room. “And clean this place up,” he added, seeing an overflowing ashtray on his dresser next to a mountain of gum wrappers and crumpled receipts.

Luckily for Billy most of the tears didn’t start spilling over until Neil was gone. Max came knocking on his door a few minutes later to try and check up on him but he ignored her. He needed to go on a drive. He wiped his tears away with jerky movements and snatched his keys, storming right out of the house. Maybe Robin was home.

Robin was home. And thirty minutes later Billy’s Camaro is parked in a pull off overlooking the quarry. The little spot was surrounded by trees, making it almost invisible from the road. Robin said it was her favorite place to come to be alone. Billy might just steal the spot for himself.

He leaned against the side of his car while Robin sat on the hood. Usually he’d tell her to get the hell off but he wasn’t in the mood. She was in a baggy t-shirt like she always was. Tonight she had her short hair pulled back into a scrunchie. She was hogging the joint they were supposed to be sharing, bit Billy didn’t mind so much, just wanted the company.

“Are you going to tell me why your cheek’s all red?” she asked out of nowhere, finally passing the joint back over.

Billy took a long hit while he thought of a way to avoid the question. He didn’t think of anything, so he didn’t answer. Luckily Robin had never struggled with talking for two.

“Did you get into another fight?” she asked, voice light and airy. “Thought you swore off it or something after Stevey-poo made you vom in front of everyone?”

Billy laughed at the nickname despite his best efforts not to. “Stevey-poo?” he questioned, and Robin snorted. “I shouldn’t have gotten you high.”

“Don’t pretend you’re the one who corrupted me, Prince Charming. I’ll have you know I smoked my first joint freshman year with Becky Taylor.” Robin told him.

“Did you come up with stupid nicknames for her too?”

Robin scrunched up her face like she was trying to remember what happened that night. “Nah. We ate all the ice cream in her freezer, then we went for a walk, I think. Then we made out.”

“With Becky Taylor?”

Robin hummed. Billy took a hit.

“But she’s a girl?”

“That’s _my_ secret,” Robin said, “now how about _yours?”_

“I don’t have a secret.”

“The face thing, genius.”

Oh. That. Billy touched his fingertips to the red mark that still burned on his cheek and Robin took the joint back, deciding the two hits was plenty for Billy and it was her turn again.

“My dad.” Billy said finally.

“What about your dad?”

Billy rapped his knuckles against her forehead twice and cooed “Helloooo, anyone home?”

It took Robin a second before it finally clicked and she asked, “you alright?”

“I’m fine, yeah.”

She threw an arm around him and blew a puff of smoke in his face. “Thank god for pot!” she cheered.

Billy tried to give her an annoyed look. The both pretended he wasn’t smiling.

The next week went by agonizingly slow. Coach still wanted Billy at every practice if he wanted a chance at playing in the game, but he wouldn’t let Billy near a ball. Billy spent two hours after school _every day_ filling bottles of water and handing out sweat rags. He swore Harrington doubled his water intake just to piss him off, always called out ‘hey water boy!’ and took a drink with a big, stupid smirk on his face, clapping Billy on the shoulder when he huffed away.

Billy spent most of his time not in practice complaining about practice. He couldn’t complain to Tommy because Tommy was on the team, and as far as Billy could tell he was relieved to see him on the bench since other people actually started winning now that he was out. He had no desire to talk to Carol either, not that she’d give a shit about his woes. The only person who let him complain was Robin, and in return Billy say through so many miserable hours of listening to her talk about Tammy Thompson.

Billy couldn’t even tell if Robin liked her or not. She went back and forth between saying Tammy was a goddess and Tammy was a dumbass. It was confusing, Billy gave himself whiplash trying to keep Robin’s feelings straight but he didn’t ask her to explain. He made that mistake once, and all Robin had had to say on the subject was “It’s complicated. Kind of how you feel about Steve,” and _that’_ s a conversation Billy didn’t wish to repeat.

So, he let her talk about Tammy. She let him talk about the injustice of getting benched while Harrington got to practice. He didn’t ask her what she was really feeling about the girl and she didn’t ask him about his dad. Billy thought it was a pretty sweet thing they had going on.

Thursday rolled around and tensions were high on the basketball team with the big game only two days away. Practice had been running at least an hour late every night. Billy thought it was a little over the top. The team wasn’t big enough to properly compete against other schools, not to mention the budget. They didn’t have the funding for uniforms, let alone bus access, so the big game was really just a big scrimmage. Red jerseys versus green jerseys. Shirts versus skins apparently wasn’t acceptable in front of the whole school.

Billy was new, but he got the idea that the games were still a big deal even if they were just playing against each other. Hawkins was victorious either way, and there was always a huge party after. And Billy was just itching to beat Harrington in front of the whole school.

Halfway through practice when Coach was having the guys run drills and had Billy on water duty, Billy set down the bottles and tried to have a talk. “Hey, Coach,” he said, trying to sound chipper as he appeared at the man’s side. His persuasion wasn’t as effective on guys as it was on girls, he already felt out of his depth. “I’m still good to play in the game on Saturday, right?”

“I told you you’d still play when I benched you,” he said, not taking his eyes off the court. Coach was an older guy, just starting to bald with a passion for screaming at sweaty teenagers.

“Yeah, I remember that,” Billy carried on, “but I haven’t practiced all week, the nurse says as long as my head doesn’t hurt I should be fine to get back on the court.

“You’ll play again in the game.”

“I was hoping I could get back to practice tomorrow, actually. Just get some more training in before the game.”

“That wasn’t the deal,” Coach said. Billy tried to keep the irritation from showing on his face.

“I know that wasn’t the deal, but I already joined the team late. This is the only game I’m going to get to be a part of and-“

“If you keep arguing I’ll kick you off the team right now, Hargrove,” he said with a finality that even Billy didn’t feel like arguing with.

He kicked the bleacher with the toe of his sneaker on the way to the door as he stomped out. He headed back into the locker room to dig a cigarette out of his jacket pocket. He learned early on that if he stood on of the toilets and held the smoke right by the vent then the smell wasn’t an issue, and the smoke alarm wouldn’t go off – if the things were even hooked up. Billy had his doubts.

He sucked the cigarette down like his life depended on it until he didn’t feel like beating the hell out of Coach anymore, then flushed the butt. The locker room was still empty, everyone else was busy with practice. Billy was on his way to the door, he really was, but he saw Steve’s backpack sitting on the floor outside his locker. The biggest pocket was half unzipped already like it was taunting him, just _begging_ him to peek around.

He wasn’t even sure what he was looking for, not sure what he wanted to find, but he took a second to make sure there were no approaching footsteps then opened the backpack. There was a textbook, a couple notebooks, and several sheets of loose paper all crumpled up and stuffed at the bottom. One paper caught his attention. It was folded nicely while all the rest were crumpled. He pulled it out carefully as he could so as not to disturb anything else in the bag. It said _Nancy_ on the front in messy, blocky handwriting. When he unfolded the note he found only two short sentences written on the paper. _Hey can we talk_ was scrawled in the same barely legible handwriting as the front. Below in a neat, loopy script it said _I’m trying to focus._

Billy folded the note back up and shoved it in the front pocket of his jeans before heading back to the court. When Coach shot him a look Billy made up an excuse about using the bathroom and got back to filling up the water bottles.

“Hey,” Robin said, appearing at his side out of nowhere while he headed to his car after practice got out. “We going out tonight?”

Going down to the quarry started becoming a regular occurrence for the pair. They’d roll up all the windows in the Camaro and pass a joint back and forth. Sometimes they’d listen to music, sometimes they’d talk, sometimes they’d just sit in silence.

Billy jumped. “No, think I’m gonna stay in tonight. What are you doing here?”

Robin held up a rectangular black case. “Band. I’ve been tooting on this clarinet for twelve years. Thanks for noticing.”

“Sorry,” Billy said, not sounding sorry at all. “I’ve been preoccupied.”

“What? What talking to Steve?”

“Shut up.”

“You know, I thought it was weird you were leaving this early. You always wait for him to go first then drive behind him like a creeper.”

“Everyone else is in the shower,” Billy huffed, but it didn’t deter Robin.

“I’m surprised you’re not in there waiting with a towel to dry his hair.”

Billy clamped a hand over her mouth. “Stop talking.”

Robin rolled her eyes and licked his palm.

“Eugh!”

“Hang out tomorrow?” She asked.

“Fine,” Billy agreed reluctantly and headed to his car while Robin got on her bike.

He didn’t stay in that night. As soon as he was sure Neil was asleep for the night, he climbed out his window and headed to his and Robin’s usual spot alone. It was cold out. Billy started wearing hoodies under his denim jacket when he went out late. He leaned against the hood of his car and pulled a cigarette out of the beat-up pack, holding it between his lips unlit while he dug for a lighter.

When he reached into his pocket he found Steve’s note instead, the one addressed to Nancy. He opened it up to read it over again. _What’s going on with them?_ he wondered as he folded the paper back up. _Why the hell do I care?_

He pulled out his lighter and set fire to the corner of the note, watching it go up in flames. He held the burning paper to the end of the cigarette still clamped between his lips until it caught. He let the paper burn down until he couldn’t hold it anymore and dropped it to the ground, stomping what was left of it out with the toe of his boot.

He felt ridiculous for taking the note, for looking in the bag in the first place. It was all Harrington’s fault, really. He weaseled his way right into Billy’s head and made a shitty little home for himself. Billy didn’t even like him, he hated the guy! Beat his ass twice! He fumed when Steve talked to him, got annoyed whenever he saw his stupid smirk, he _obviously_ didn’t like Steve.

So why the hell couldn’t he get Steve out of his head?

When he was around Billy would count the infuriating moles on his neck. He’d glare at Steve’s stupid pout, stare into his big, doe eyes with a vengeance. When Billy went home he’d _think_ about the moles, and the pout, and the eyes and clench his hands into fists and throw punches at the wall wishing Harrington would get the fuck out of his head.

But he was still there.

And now Billy was staring at Nancy’s charred name on the ground wondering if Steve was missing his note right now.

Coach didn’t let Billy practice on Friday. Instead he had him sit on the bleachers inflating all the flat balls because they were too cheap to but new ones. Billy got all huffy about it, but he did it anyway because he really wanted the chance to kick Steve’s ass in front of the whole school tomorrow. Out of practice or not Billy could kick his ass.

Coach let him go early since he didn’t put up a fight about inflating the balls and Billy went to meet up with Robin on the stairs outside the school. He didn’t really want to go out, but he had been blowing her off the past couple of days and he had managed to swipe a bottle of Jack’s from the convenience store a few days ago and it was still burning a hole in his trunk just waiting to be cracked into.

They parked out by the quarry and talked and drank until it was dark out.

“Didn’t you get a concussion?” Robin asked a little late, the bottle was already more than half gone.

Billy cracked a smile. “What? You worry about me now?”

“Someone has to. I’m like, eighty-nine percent sure you shouldn’t be drinking alcohol if you have a concussion.”

“Sixty-nine!” Billy laughed.

“What?”

“Would have been funnier if you said sixty-nine percent.”

“Hah! You’re right!” Robin said, then starting laughing so hard she couldn’t nag Billy anymore.

They had a beautiful, blissful conversation where Harrington didn’t come up once. Harrington, and his old man, and the dumb basketball game he cared so much about were all pleasantly far from his mind. Mostly they cracked dick jokes back and forth and laughed until their sides hurt.

“We should probably head back soon,” Robin said when she finally caught her breath. She tried to stand up from the rock she was sitting on and fell right back over. “I’m drunk!” she whined, then, “why didn’t you warn me!?”

Billy helped her up. She was wobbling like a total lightweight.

“You’re not getting in my car,” Billy told her. Robin gave him a menacing look.

“I’m not walking home like this you… you _cock!”_ she squealed, almost falling over from laughing at her own genius insult.

Come to think of it, cock was probably a pretty big insult coming from her. Did she hate them? Or was she just not particularly interested in getting all over one? Billy tried to ask, but he wasn’t sober either and had too much trouble getting the words out.

“You’re going to throw up in it,” Billy said. Robin’s eyes widened like this was news to her. Terrible, horrifying news.

“I still need to get home!”

“Here- hand on, I gotta trick.” Billy walked up to her and got his hands on her shoulders. “Trust me,” he said.

Robin gave him a look that said _motherfucker, I do not trust you at all_ and Billy started to spin her in circles like he was about to hand her a bat and let her start swinging at a pinata.

“What the fuck!?” she yelled, and Billy shushed her. He kept spinning her round and round then stopped her when she was facing away from him with an arm around her middle. He bent her over his arm and grabbed all the hair he could with his free hand.

Her face was pointed toward the ground when she started to ask “What the-“ and was cut off by blowing chunks all over the ground.

“There, there. Get it all out,” Billy hummed, making sure to keep his boots out of the splash zone.

When she was done puking she looked livid, but Billy let her in the Camaro and drove them home.

“I’m going to laugh so fucking hard when you get a DUI,” Robin told him, seething from the passenger seat.

Billy was hunched over the wheel as close to the windshield as he could get with his seatbelt still on, squinting at the dark road. “Not gonna get a fuckin’ DUI. I’ve got this trick you just- you close one eye and it makes you stop seein’ double. This is better than I drive _sober.”_

“You are so stupid.”

They both got home safe though, so Robin couldn’t really complain. Billy even managed to sneak in without waking up Neil, which was pretty miraculous considering he fell over twice before he made it up the stairs.

Max stopped him before he could get into the bathroom and scolded him in a harsh whisper, standing with her hands crossed over her chest and a hip jutted out to the side. Billy whispered for her to get back to bed and eventually she did. She always gave him grief when he broke the rules, but he could get her to settle down easy. He just had to lower his voice and give her a scary look and she’d run off with a glare and her metaphorical tail between her legs.

He finally made it to the bathroom. He threw up then hopped in the shower, getting stuck in his t-shirt and falling down again during the process.

He should’ve been more careful drinking, booze always made him feel too romantic. When Robin was around she kept him nice and distracted but now that he was alone his mind wandered to Steve. It usually did. He thought about Steve at practice in those stupid green shorts, the gray t-shirt that he sweat through every time. He thought about his legs, the way the muscles flexed and stretched when he ran and jumped, and Billy thought about putting his hand on Steve’s thigh, feeling the muscles moving for himself.

He shot his hand down between his legs and let his head fall back against the tile. Harrington’s eyes were running through Billy’s head. The big doe eyes that either looked so innocent or so angry. And his lips all pink and puffy. Billy was sure it would feel just like kissing a girl. He wondered if Steve sucked dick like a girl too, wondered if Steve even knew how. Billy would be happy to teach him, happy to put those chick lips to good use. He thought about Steve on his knees, hands on Billy’s hips, mouth around Billy’s cock, doe eyes all half lidded and looking up at him. He wouldn’t get the innocent eyes though, and that was even _better._ Steve Harrington on his knees _glaring_ up at Billy while he had his mouth all over him.

It wasn’t working for him. Billy cursed and pulled his hand off his dick, which remained stubbornly half hard despite how eager he was. He was still too drunk to get off.

He got out of the shower in a huff. The pathetic little half-boner was still bobbing uselessly between his legs, despite the dirty look he gave it.

He crawled into bed and got five glorious hours of sleep before his alarm went off and sent him running back to the bathroom to puke his guts out.

Turns out Robin was right, Billy shouldn’t have been drinking with a concussion. His head was throbbing, he had a sharp pain right behind his eyes and when he turned the bedroom light on it only got worse. He flopped back on the bed and prayed for death. Unfortunately, it never came, so he got up and got dressed instead.

He choked down some scrambled eggs for breakfast and alternated sips of water and coffee. He took as many headache meds as the bottle said he could without his liver exploding, but nothing was working. He wasn’t sure if pain meds could make concussions worse or something. The nurse hadn’t told him shit, and he sure as hell wasn’t about to ask his dad.

The pain stopped being blinding, at least. By the time he had to drive off to school he wasn’t seeing spots anymore.

The smell of the locker room almost made him hurl again, but he managed to keep the eggs down. He changed quickly as he could and headed out to the gym with his sunglasses on.

People were filing into the gym already, which was annoying as hell as far as Billy was concerned. Couldn’t even get a little warm up in without being stared down by half of Hawkins high. He looked out over the bleachers, shocked when he spotted someone who looked just as bad as he did. She was in an oversized sweater with unbrushed hair sticking out all over the place. She had sunglasses on too, and was taking small sips from a plastic water bottle. Robin actually showed up. Billy was kinda touched. He didn’t ask her to show up or anything, she probably just wanted to see if he threw up all over the court or something, but he was still kinda touched.

The rest of the guys started filing in shortly after. They were all standing off to the side stretching when Coach came in with their jerseys. They weren’t even good jerseys, they were the shitty gym class kind. The ones made of mesh that fit like a garbage bag with one piece of elastic at the bottom.

Billy was on red team, along with three other guys he didn’t give a shit about.

Steve was on green team. So was Tommy, who hadn’t totally wronged Billy, but was annoying nonetheless. Billy wanted to take them down.

They stretched for a few more minutes and the bleachers really filled up. They were packed with parents, and students, Billy even spotted the chief of police, who apparently didn’t have anything better to do, which was weird as shit in Billy’s opinion.

Billy still had his sunglasses on and his head still felt like it was being split in two with a hot knife, and the only thing that could’ve possibly made the situation worse would be Harrington talking to him.

“What’s up with the fucking glasses?” Steve asked, pulling the shades right off of Billy’s face and frowning at them.

“Motherfucker,” Billy huffed and snatched them back. “Didn’t anyone teach you any fuckin’ manners? Christ.” He shoved them back on and crossed his arms, taking a big step away from Harrington just in case he decided to pull anything else.

“Are you hungover?”

“Mind your business?”

Steve barked out a laugh. “Dude, no shit? You’ve already thrown up all over this court once and you show up hungover?”

“I’m not fucking hungover!” Billy shouted and his head about exploded. “Go bother your girlfriend or something, fuck off.”

Steve pursed his lips into the prissiest pout Billy had ever seen. It took all his willpower not to laugh. He figured Steve and his girl were still fighting, but he had no idea what it was about. Maybe they were both too uptight for each other or something. Billy was kind of hoping they’d break up, but only because he wanted to see Harrington suffer. Absolutely no other reasons.

Coach called them in for a huddle and they all gathered around. He started giving them some stupid pep talk about how they’d worked so hard for this, and he wanted everyone to go out there and kick some ass. Billy thought the pep talk fell a little short since they were just going to be kicking each other’s asses. Coach said he wanted a fair game from everyone and fixed a glare on Billy. “What?” Billy asked and Coach looked like he was about to have an aneurism.

“What are you wearing those glasses for, boy?” Coach yelled. Billy’d already forgotten he put them back on. He took them off quickly, head pounding now that the room was back to full brightness. He was squinting and he still couldn’t’ see straight.

“Are you okay?” Coach asked and Billy nodded. “Good,” he said, and clapped Billy on the shoulder. “I shouldn’t even be letting you play right now. Don’t make me regret this.”

“Sure,” Billy said. No pressure.

They all shuffled out onto the court and everyone in the stands started cheering. Billy squinted over at the masses and saw prissy Miss Wheeler clapping unenthusiastically.

A few rows down and to the left he spotted Maxine. She was there with her whole group of friends, all of them clapping and whooping like coked up crazy people. Billy figured they had too much pop or something. Billy and Max didn’t hang out much or anything, usually they avoided each other like cats and fucking dogs. He guessed it was pretty cool of her to show up though. His mom and dad used to go to all of his games when he was a little kid, but that wasn’t so much of a thing anymore. It didn’t bother him or anything, it’d be totally lame if it did, but it was cool to have someone there to watch him. Even if that someone was just his kid sister who he didn’t hang out with.

The game started when Coach blew his whistle and threw the ball up in the air. Billy jumped for it but his head pounded and he didn’t end up anywhere near the ball. Harrington got it and took off dribbling down the court. Billy’s not really sure how it happened, he always managed to get the ball first.

He took off with everyone else down the court. Harrington passed to Tommy, Tommy passed to Mike, the tallest guy on Harrington’s team, and Mike went to score. He totally missed the basket, but if his aim wasn’t so shit he would’ve had it for sure. No one on Billy’s team was doing anything to stop him.

Billy kept trying to take the ball back, kept trying to block shots, but it wasn’t really working. His head hurt so bad he was struggling to keep his eyes open, and whenever he jumped his stomach twisted uncomfortably and he really didn’t need to be throwing up all over the gym floor. Again. Even if he wasn’t playing his best he was still antagonizing the hell out of everyone. Mostly Harrington.

He’d always been mostly antagonizing Harrington but now he had an excuse. Steve was the reason he was benched all last week and was playing like shit. It was easier to put all the blame on Steve than putting it on himself for drinking last night.

At halftime they all got a break to group up. They were sweaty and panting, drinking from the water bottles Billy had been filling up all week at practice. Their games were four against four, it’s not like they had anyone from the bench to pull in when they got tired, so the whole thing was pretty fucking miserable. It was also pretty miserable that Billy’s team was down 10-4. They were getting their goddamn asses handed to them. Billy didn’t know how they got so far down, he’d tripped Harrington twice! And he only got a foul for one of them! They talked strategy all they could while the Hawkins cheerleaders came out to do a little number. Billy decided there wasn’t a single girl at Hawkins High he wanted to watch dance around in a short skirt.

“Billy, we really need you to play, man,” said Todd. Todd was some asshole with curly red hair that was on his team.

“What do you mean?” Billy asked. “I fuckin’ am playing.”

“You always win!” Todd was getting sort of crazy. Billy wondered if that’s what he looked like when he got all impassioned about basketball when he was talking to Robin. “I don’t know why you’re not winning today, it’s like you’re not here or something.”

“I just fuckin’-“ Billy went to defend himself, but he was cut off by Todd telling him, “Just do your thing. Don’t be a pussy.”

_He’s got a baseball bat tucked under his arm and a little frown fixed on his face. He’s not crying or anything, but he’s got that wobbly voice that says he’s about to. “I just don’t think I can do it,” he pouts. He sounds so small. He guesses he is, he’s only just turned eight._

_“You’re not going to get any better if you don’t toughen up! What are you afraid of? Getting hurt?” His dad’s practically screaming at him and they’re still in the parking lot. Right in front of everyone. Billy knows better than to tell his dad that what he’s really afraid is happening right now. Right in front of his whole softball team._

_“I’m not afraid I just can’t do it!” Billy kicks the toe of his sneaker against the ground._

_“I didn’t raise no son of mine to give up like this. You’re supposed to be good at this shit, Billy.”_

_“I’m good at surfing! I don’t want to do softball anymore, I don’t get any time to play in the water.”_

_“Surfing isn’t a god damn sport.” Billy can’t see why his dad cares so much about him playing a sport, but he does. “I didn’t raise a fucking pussy.”_

_“I know.” His voice wobbles._

_“So you need to toughen the hell up and stop embarrassing me like that.”_

_“I know.” His voice breaks. Billy hates crying but he can’t seem to stop doing it. It just happens. Whenever his dad raises his voice at him tears start coming. Maybe he’s just anticipating what’s coming next. Maybe he’s just a baby._

_“You’ve got to be good at this shit,” his dad says. He means softball, even though Billy’s just good at surfing. “Don’t be a pussy. Get it together.”_

_Billy knows this is where he’d get smacked around if they weren’t in such a public spot. They’re still in the parking lot, the rest of his softball team is around, loading into the car with their parents. His dad wouldn’t hit him in front of other kids like that. In front of other parents. “Get in the car,” he says, and Billy takes off running._

_His dad yells after him for a bit, but Billy doesn’t stop. Just throws his stupid baseball bat to the ground and runs. He’s not very good at softball, but he’s fast. He can run for a long time without feeling too tired. He ignores his dad screaming after him and runs all the way home._

When they were back in the game after halftime Billy had a new vigor in him. He wasn’t a pussy, and no red-headed asshole was going to make him feel like one. His dad wasn’t going to make him feel like one either. His dad didn’t show up, but it was the principle of it.

He managed to get the ball a few times and score twice without any help from his useless teammates. He also knocked Harrington to the ground again, which made him feel pretty good.

But Tommy scored too and the green team was still ahead. Billy still felt shitty, his headaches were getting worse. The longer they played the more he felt like he was going to just fall over or something. Drop dead right in the middle of the big game.

When they only had three minutes left on the clock they were damn near neck and neck. Green team still had the lead but if Billy could just get one more score red team would tie it up. The only problem was he was all hunched over now. His head was throbbing so hard he couldn’t even stand straight. Harrington had his number too, had been glaring at him the better half of the game, made a point of always stealing the ball from him.

Déjà vu, Billy thought. It was just like practice. Billy went to throw the ball but something barreled into side. Billy fell over and his head smacked against the same floor with the same sickening sound as before. Billy thought he blacked out for a second. Turns out he blacked out for a minute and a half.

When he opened his eyes he was laying down. He heard sneakers squeaking and a ball being dribbled and for one horrible second he thought he was still on the court and they were playing the game around him. He tried to sit up but someone put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. He rubbed his eyes, blinked a few times, and saw Maxine. Her eyes were all wide. Billy wasn’t sure why she looked so worried, she never worried about him. That wasn’t really something they did, but she looked freaked out.

“The fuck are you doin’?” Billy groaned and Maxine scrunched up her face.

“You almost _died!”_ She practically yelled. The nurse showed up and gave her a look. Billy was thankful.

The nurse started asking him questions about his head, made him watch her finger while she moved it back and forth in front of his eyes, then decided he was alright.

“The hell happened?” Billy asked the nurse.

“Steve tackled you!” Maxine piped up instead. She had her skinny arms crossed over her chest as she glared out over the court. They were still playing without him.

Christ, they were still plating without him!

“That’s not fuckin’ fair!” Billy said, looking at the nurse like she had any say in the matter. “We’re down a player they can’t just keep goin’!”

“They pulled someone off Steve’s team!” Max said. Billy wasn’t even talking to her, she was just chiming in. He took another look onto the court. It didn’t even look like a basketball game anymore, it looked like six kids goofing around on the court in ugly jerseys.

Billy stood up and the nurse touched his shoulder softly, sat him back down. “I gotta go play,” Billy said and she shook her head.

“That’s the second injury this week. Good thing it’s your last game or you’d be out for the season.”

“But they’re kicking our asses!”

“Watch your mouth,” the nurse said, but she looked more sympathetic than anything.

Todd called a timeout to check on him. Billy guessed it was nice, but Todd had also been calling him a pussy just a half hour earlier. Todd had sweat dripping from his forehead and dark patches forming on his t-shirt. Billy tried not to look too repulsed.

“I’m fine,” he assured Todd for the third time in the past ten seconds. “They’re saying I can’t play ‘cause of my head, otherwise I’d already be back out there. Todd looked pissed off like the shithead he was. If Billy’s head wasn’t hurting twice as bad as before he probably would’ve told him off or something, but he didn’t have the energy.

Back on the court Harrington was making some loud comment about how Billy could be the water boy again and the rest of the green team laughed. It took all of Billy’s willpower not to flip him the bird.

Maxine went back to sit with her friends and as soon as she was gone he tapped the nurse on the shoulder. “Hey, did I throw up?” he asked. She laughed like he was funny but he wasn’t trying to be.

The game was almost over but he hung back to watch it. Robin showed up to keep him company when there was only about a minute left on the clock. She still looked like shit, but Billy was willing to bet he looked worse.

“That’s rough,” she said, taking the sunglasses off her face and passing them over to Billy. They were plastic and white and totally looked like chick glasses, but he put them on anyway. The glasses didn’t really help, but they didn’t make it any worse either. “I can’t believe they didn’t pull Steve out of the game for that, he obviously knocked you over on purpose.” Billy thought it must’ve looked pretty bad if it got Robin talking honest to god shit on Steve Harrington. She called him an idiot all the time, but she was still pretty enamored by him just like every other chick at school was. Robin had weird relationships with people. Billy could never tell if she liked them or not. He didn’t ask though, just hummed in agreement and watched his team get creamed some more.

Green team ended up kicking their asses 19-10. They were sore winners too, kept jumping up and down and hollering, really wanted to rub it in. Everyone cheered for a bit and green team soaked it in. When all the noise died down everyone shuffled back into the locker rooms to get changed.

“Good game,” Steve said as he passed Billy on the bench, giving him some stupid smile Billy’s never seen before. He thought he’d seen all of the stupid faces Steve makes when he’d been not-stalking him, but there were a few left to uncover, he guessed.

Not that he wanted to uncover them or anything. He was just about as fed up with Harrington as you could get.

“Is it just me or did that seem-“

“Robin, please, I’m begging you.”

“-Kinda flirty?” she asked, looking at Billy with here eyebrows shot up to her hairline.

“For the last time it’s not fuckin’ like that.” He gave her a shove for being an asshole and saying shit like that in such a public spot. He got up and stalked off to the locker room with the rest of the guys. He was still wearing Robin’s sunglasses. He didn’t give them back because he was all ticked off now.

His head still hurt so he decided not to shower there. He never liked showing in the locker rooms anyway, he never knew where to keep his eyes. He changed into clean clothes, slapped on as much deodorant as he could, and went to head out.

“Hey, sorry-can I talk to you?” Harrington showed up out of nowhere and blocked the door. His hair was all wet and he hadn’t pulled his jeans on yet. He was just standing there in boxers and a white t-shirt that was starting to get little clear patches where his wet hair dripped. Billy didn’t want to talk to him. Especially when he was half goddamn naked.

“No,” Billy said and went to side step around him. Steve just blocked his path again. Christ, they were really doing this.

He wondered for a moment if Steve was going to say anything about the dumb note to Nancy but he had no way to know that was Billy. Probably didn’t even notice it was missing. Still, it made Billy feel all nervous for a second.

“I didn’t mean to shove you down that hard,” Steve said. He really looked sorry too.

“Yeah, well, you did.”

“Are you alright?”

“Fuckin’ awesome.”

“Look, man. I wasn’t thinking. I forgot about your head, I was just upset and I wanted to shove you around a little. I didn’t expect you to go flying.”

“I didn’t go fuckin’ flying!” Billy roared. He had blacked out pretty fast. Maybe he did go flying. Either way Steve didn’t look too sorry anymore.

“you tripped me like, four times-“

“Three,” Billy corrects.

“Three just _this game_ and I was pissed! I forgot I already hurt your head earlier this week. I just wanted to say sorry.”

Steve was out of his mind if he thought Billy was going to accept that apology. He pushed him to the fucking ground right in front of everyone when his team was already winning!

“You gave me a concussion.” Billy said. Steve’s face fell.

“What, like just now?”

“No, Tuesday. When you tackled me the first time.”

Steve didn’t look pissed off anymore. He just looked weird, kept fidgeting with his fingers. Billy tried not to look since his fingers were right by his crotch and he was still half naked and all. Steve looked like he was really thinking it over, biting down on his bottom lip with his eyebrows all furrowed.

“Sorry,” he said again, and tore his eyes away from the floor to look at Billy. Billy had to pretend he wasn’t just staring at Harrington’s hands which were right by his crotch.

“Yeah,” Billy said, “it hurt.”

“I wasn’t trying to actually hurt you or anything.”

Billy knew. “I know.”

“So are we good?”

Jesus god. “Yeah, no.”

Steve frowned again. His eyebrows were still furrowed. Billy wanted to tell him he was going to get wrinkles or something but he kept his mouth shut. Steve asked him, “Are you going to the party tonight?”

Billy had been so caught up with the game he hadn’t even thought about the after party. From what he had heard from the others guys on the team it was a pretty big deal. Biggest party of the year, besides the summer kick-off after the last day. “It’s at my house.”

The last thing Billy felt like doing was showing up at Steve’s house, but the alternative was going back to his own where his dad’d probably piss and moan if Billy acted all messed up over his head hurting.

“I don’t know where the hell you live.”

Steve tried giving him really shitty directions before he gave up and said, “everyone knows where I live, have that girl you were sitting with show you.”

Billy gave him a big disgusted look for a second when he thought he was talking about Maxine, then he remembered he was sitting with Robin too. She probably knew where he lived.

“So I can bring Robin?”

“Yeah, bring whoever you want, I don’t care.”

“Okay.” Billy said.

“Okay?” Steve asked, like it was a goddamn question. He was probably just trying to ask if they were okay again. They were totally not.

“Okay,” Billy said and shoved past him out of the locker room.

The last of the crowd was still filing out of the gym when Billy joined the masses heading out to the parking lot. He almost made it to his car when Robin showed up next to him and almost gave him a heart attack.

“Hey!” she said all hyper.

“Hey.”

“Are you going to Steve’s party? Guess you kinda have to go since you’re on the team and all, also because it’s /Steve/.” Billy didn’t know what she meant by that. He didn’t ask either, but he guessed she forgave him for tackling him already.

“I guess. Will you show me where he lives?”

“Yeah, totally. You’re probably the only one in town who doesn’t know where Steve lives.”

So he’d heard. “Yeah, guess so. I just gotta go home and shower first then I can come pick you up.”

“I can just go to yours with you.”

“Yeah, not happening.”

Robin pouted her lips. “Why? It’ll save you having to drive all the way to my place.”

“My place is shit.”

“I don’t care!” Robin yelled. “I don’t live in a big fancy house either!”

Billy didn’t feel like explaining this shit to her. His house was alright, he guessed. It had two floors and a basement. It was usually pretty clean since Maxine’s mom didn’t have shit else to do all day. He had a pretty big room too, and his own bathroom. Maxine was always saying how it’s not fair he had his own bathroom and she had to walk all the way down the hall to go. He was half convinced she was going to try and murder him in his sleep someday just to take over his bedroom.

It wasn’t the house that bugged him so much, it was his dad. He wasn’t home a lot of the time, but when he was, he wasn’t exactly the kind of guy Billy wanted to have friends around. Billy didn’t think he’d mind too much if they were just in the living room watching movies or something, but if he took her up to his room he’d definitely be in trouble later. If it was Robin he’d start yelling about how she was a whore, and Billy shouldn’t be messing around at his age, didn’t need to be knocking anyone up. If it was Harrington or someone, a guy, he’d start yelling about what a little faggot Billy was. There was no pleasing the guy.

Billy didn’t know why he’d have Harrington over though. Doesn’t even know why he thought about it.

“Sure, you can come over,” Billy relented. 

They spent a long time trying to shove her bike into the trunk. Billy didn’t know how she managed to bike all the way to school with a hangover anyway, but he was still pretty happy she came to watch his game. They finally got the trunk shut and Billy was pretty sure they didn’t break anything on the bike.

When he looked back up Max was scowling by the passenger side door, skateboard tucked under her arm. She had shown up out of nowhere, Billy hated when she did that. Robin did it too sometimes. Maybe it was a chick thing.

“Oh, is this your sister?” Robin asked.

“Step sister,” Billy and Max said at the same time.

“Get in the back, shitbrain,” Billy told Max. Just as he expected she started yelling up a storm. “No fair!” She shouted, “I always sit up front, it’s my spot! I’ve got it adjusted just how I like it and everything!”

She made a big show of it but she pulled the seat forward and climbed in the back anyway while Robin got in front. “I’m Robin,” Robin said to Max, twisting around in the seat to talk to her.

“Hey Robin,” Max said, still in a huff.

Billy messed with the knobs on his radio for a while. There wasn’t anything good on the few stations he liked. The stations out here were shit anyway, back in California there were so many to choose from, and most of them played actual good music. Most of the shit out here was just top forty stuff from two or three years ago. He put on his Metallica tape and turned the volume down lower than he usually had it. Max and Robin were still talking and he didn’t want to be a total ass.

It seemed like Max cheered up pretty fast. By the time Billy was pulling out of the parking lot she was chattering away and Robin was still all twisted around to talk to her.

“So are you and Billy going out?” Max asked all sweetly.

Robin cackled and Billy had half a mind to pull over and make the kid walk home. He wouldn’t actually do that, he wasn’t a total piece of shit, but he sure thought about it. He thought about driving through a puddle and splashing her clothes as he zoomed off. He wouldn’t, but fuck if thinking about it wasn’t making him feel a little better.

“We’re just friends,” Robin told her.

Max got a little quieter after that, like she was disappointed or something. Billy didn’t think it was any of her business, but she had always liked getting her nose up in his bullshit anyway. She was always getting on his ass about girls back home too, back in Cali. Whenever she saw him with some new chick she’d butt her way into his bedroom (or, stand in his doorway, Billy never let her step foot in his bedroom) and ask him all about her. _What’s she like? Is she your girlfriend? Are you going to take her out this weekend?_ Billy guessed she was a real romantic. That was kind of gross though, she couldn’t have been older than eleven or twelve when she was hounding him about all that, and that was way too young for her to be thinking about romance and dating in Billy’s opinion. In Billy’s opinion she was _still_ too young, but he was trying not to get too caught up in all that shit.

Max ended up losing her interest in his love life eventually anyway. He guessed she realized he wasn’t doing a whole lot of romantic shit with ‘em. They weren’t going out to movies or dinners or anything, he was just bringing them home when his old man and Susan were out. Max started wearing her headphones around and stopped talking to Billy about girls so much. For a while, at least. Apparently she wasn’t too pissed anymore.

“Billy’s ‘just friends’ with a lot of girls,” Max said knowingly. Billy didn’t have to see her to know she was putting air quotes around the ‘just friends’ part, like a little shit.

“It’s not a fuckin’ lot,” Billy snapped.

Robin was still laughing like she was getting a kick out of Max being a little shit to him. “I don’t think Billy’s into me, sorry.” Robin told her.

Billy couldn’t see Max or anything, he was watching the road, but he guessed Max was making a face. He checked in the mirror and she was, had one eyebrow furrowed and one raised like she didn’t believe Robin at all. Billy tried to mimic her face when he was pretty sure no one was looking. Christ, he had no idea how she did that eyebrow thing.

When they got to his house his dad’s car wasn’t in the driveway and Billy relaxed a little. They all went inside and Billy announced he was going to get ready. Maxine already had her head stuck in the fridge poking around for something to eat so he left Robin with her. Poor girl had a hangover and now she’d have to deal with Max too. Billy didn’t feel too bad though, she’d done it to herself. He headed up to his bathroom to get himself fixed up. He turned up the speakers in his room loud enough he could listen to music while the water was running and stepped into the shower.

While he was washing himself he kind of felt like jerking off. He hadn’t gotten the chance to do it again since his attempt last night. He usually tried to keep his mind from wandering off too much, but he let himself run with it. No one had to know what he thought about in the shower. Just himself, and he was pretty sure he’d be able to live with it. His mind really got right to it, he thought about Harrington pushing right up against him in the locker room just after they’d showered. He thought about Harrington dropping his towel and pushing Billy up against the wall, their cocks rubbing together all slick from the water.

Right, yeah, Billy’s mind really dove right into that fantasy. Apparently, the sexy version of Steve that lived in his head wasn’t too into foreplay or whatever. Billy got his hand between his legs, tried stroking himself for a few seconds but he couldn’t get into it. His stomach still hurt, so did his head. Both of those things were pretty un-sexy. He kept thinking about Steve pushing him to the ground, too. The sound his head made when it hit the court. That made him feel a lot more pissed off than turned on.

Now he was even more upset because Steve was such an asshole and Billy was trying so hard to jerk off to thoughts of him. Billy didn’t deserve to be cursed like this.

He washed his body twice just to be sure he didn’t smell from the game then stepped out and wrapped a towel around his waist. He thought about trying to jerk off one more time so he wouldn’t be a total horndog at the party, he didn’t want to end up doing something stupid, but he decided not to. He could control himself. Probably.

He hadn’t bothered closing the bathroom door since it was attached to his bedroom anyway. He wasn’t paying attention when he walked back into his room, just humming along with the song on his speakers and playing with his wet hair when he saw two girls laying on his bed like they goddamn owned the place.

“Jesus Christ!” Billy said and jumped, almost dropping his towel.

“What the hell are you guys doing in here?” He asked Max and Robin. They had their heads propped up on his pillows and everything. They hadn’t even taken their shoes off, just kicked their sneakers up on his comforter. He would’ve washed his sheets if he knew Robin was gonna be making herself all comfy on his bed. He probably would’ve picked up all his dirty clothes and shit too. God.

“Hey, Prince Charming,” Robin said, not even looking at him. Her and Max had a comic opened up between the two of them that they were flipping through.

“Hey Bill- oh my GOD put some clothes on!” Max yelled and Robin peeked at him over the top of the comic book grinning.

“Get the hell out of my room!”

“We just wanted to read your comics!” Max piped up.

“You’ve got your own!”

“I’ve read all of mine! Besides, Robin likes Daredevil!”

“Really? I thought Robin’d like Catwoman more,” Billy said and shot her a pissed off look.

She shot him one right back and closed the comic, throwing it aside onto his blanket. “Come on,” she said to Max. “He’s got to get dressed. Not sure I want to stick around for that show.”

“ _Gross!”_ Max said all passionately and stalked out of his bedroom. “You should’ve told me you liked Catwoman, I’ve got a bunch.”

They left and Billy made a big deal slamming the door after them. Who the hell did they think they were? Walking into his room like that while he was showering and all. He started slamming around in drawers looking for clothes. The whole while he thought thank christ his dad wasn’t home. Billy wasn’t sure how his dad would feel about it if he came home to see Billy standing near naked right in front of some chick and his kid sister. Wouldn’t feel good, that was for sure.

Billy spent a long time fixing up his hair, putting on his clothes, dancing around in front of his mirror. He put on some cologne. Sprayed some on his wrist and rubbed it down his boxers. Maybe he’d lose control and start acting like a horndog, you never knew. He was having so much fun getting himself ready he almost forgot how shitty he felt. His stomach had actually started to feel okay, it was just his head that was bugging him. Even that had calmed down a little.

He looked at himself in the mirror and thought he looked alright. His hair was sprayed just how he liked it, he had on a red shirt with the top four buttons open. His jeans were so tight they were pinching his junk in kind of an uncomfortable way, but they looked good.

He turned off the speakers and headed to Max’s room down the hall, opening the door without knocking. “Hey dork, we gotta run.” Billy said to Robin.

Robin and Max were laying on their stomachs on her floor now. Max was reading a Catwoman and Robin was flipping through some girly fashion magazine. Robin frowned and didn’t get off the floor. “No fair,” She pouted, “you look good.”

“I always look good.”

“You’re supposed to be hungover!” Robin sounded so dismayed. Max’s eyes widened at the information but she didn’t comment. “I look like shit.”

“You look alright,” Billy told her. She had a hoodie on and her hair was kind of a mess, but Billy wasn’t lying or anything. Billy thought Robin always looked alright. Not that he was itching to get in her pants or anything, she wasn’t really his type. Plus, he was pretty sure she wasn’t into guys like that at all.

Robin scrunched up her nose. “Stop lying. Can I borrow a shirt or something?”

“Man, no.”

Max was on her feet in a second and threw open her closet doors. “You can borrow one of mine!” She said quickly. Billy didn’t see Max get too girly real often, but he guessed she’d never had a lot of girl friends. Never had a lot of friends at all, but especially not ones she could do chick shit with. She was sifting through her clothes while Robin and Billy exchanged a look.

“How about this one?” She asked, holding up a t-shirt that was yellowy-orange and striped.

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to fit,” Robin told her, sitting up and closing the magazine.

Max made a huffy face and shoved the shirt back into the closet then sifted around some more. “This one?” She pulled out another striped t-shirt that wasn’t as tight.

“I don’t think any of them are going to fit, Max.”

“Oh my god, you’re skinny.” Max said all exasperated.

“No, I mean,” Robin paused. “I’ve got. Like.” She paused again. “I’ve got boobs.” She motioned to her chest and Billy made an amused noise without meaning to.

“Okay, I have boobs!” Max yelled and slammed the shirt back into her closet. She furrowed her little red eyebrows.

“We just can’t fit into the same shirt, okay.”

“Fine,” Max looked even more pissed off. She looked down at her chest and started pulling her shirt back to make it tighter. She did the eyebrow thing again.

Billy spun around immediately and debated the best way to blind himself.

“Please let me borrow a shirt, Bills.” Robin pleaded from where she was sitting on the floor. Billy didn’t even care anymore, just wanted Maxine to stop talking about boobs.

“Fine, god, if you never call me that again.”

“Hey, can I go to the party with you guys?” Max asked from where she had been pouting and checking herself out in the corner.

“No fuckin’ middle schoolers,” Billy said and stalked off to grab Robin a shirt. Robin told her sorry and followed Billy into his room even though he didn’t invite her in.

“What d’you wanna wear?” He didn’t have any chick clothes or anything.

Robin just started opening his drawers and poking through them. Billy bit his tongue and didn’t say anything. Eventually she pulled out a white and red lifeguard tank top from the pool he had worked at in Cali right after he turned sixteen. He had only worked there for a few months, but it had been alright. He met a lot of girls, got to sit around in the sun all day. It was pretty boring though, even if he was getting paid. No one ever actually drowned. He did get to blow his whistle and boss kids around though.

He guessed she liked the tank top because she started pulling her hoodie off right away. “Don’t look, you pervert,” she said after her hoodie was already off. Billy didn’t even mean to stare, he had just kinda been looking at the shirt and then she was getting undressed. He wasn’t expecting her to be all naked under the hoodie or anything either, because really, who did that? But she was standing in his bedroom in her bra and Billy noticed her tits for the first time since they started hanging out.

He always thought Robin looked alright, but it turned out she was super-hot under the baggy shirts she was always wearing. He still wasn’t itching to get in her pants or anything, even if she liked guys he wouldn’t be dying for her. He liked how girls looked, but he didn’t go totally crazy for them like all the other guys seemed to. Maybe there was something wrong with him. He figured he just didn’t like people all that much.

He stared at her while she tugged the tank top on anyway. Even if he didn’t want to pounce on them all the time he liked looking at girls’ bodies or whatever. Besides, Robin didn’t sound all that serious when she had been telling him not to look. The tank top was pretty big on her but she tucked it into the waist of the tight jeans she had on and helped herself to Billy’s big mirror. The sides were cut so low you could see her bra and she had, like, shoulders. And arms. And a bunch of other parts Billy never knew she had under the trashbag shirts she usually wore. “How do I look?”

“You look alright. Can we fucking go now?” He wasn’t in a rush to get to the party or anything, people being over just made him real antsy. Especially chicks. And dudes, he guessed. Really he just didn’t want his pops to catch him with anyone in the house.

Robin bugged him for a glass of water and some headache medication first. Then she made a big show of saying goodbye to Max and then they were allowed to leave. “Your sister’s cool,” Robin told him once they were heading down the street.

“Step sister.” Billy corrected.

“She’s cute. I don’t see why you guys don’t get along.”

Robin just didn’t see what a little shit she was. She didn’t see how bad shit had gotten before they moved. “I need directions to Harrington’s,” Billy told her instead of talking about Max.

Robin gave him directions. It wasn’t that far away, but Steve lived way out in the rich suburbs. He knew which house was Harrington’s before Robin told him. There were about fifteen cars packed in his driveway and spilling out onto the road. Billy parked down the street far enough no one was going to ding his car when they started driving home wasted. Robin complained about having to walk up the road a couple feet, but she was getting all giddy. She liked parties.

They spent longer at Billy’s than he thought they would, the party was already pretty filled up when they got there. No one was really drunk yet, but everyone was drinking, waiting around for it to kick in. Billy was about to knock on the door but Robin just opened it and walked right in. He guessed she’d been here a few times before because she knew exactly how to get to the kitchen.

Steve’s house was pretty big. There were two goddamn staircases, which Billy thought was pretty unnecessary. The walls were all white with gray furniture around. There were little tables all over that had decorative plants on them too. Billy was kind of scared to touch anything. The kitchen was just as massive as everything else. The cupboards were white to match the walls with a gray backsplash. There was an island where all the booze were, it looked marble, or granite or some shit. Billy didn’t actually know the difference but Susan was always going on about stuff like that when she sat around wishing they didn’t live in such a dump like she sometimes did.

Billy helped himself to the booze in the kitchen. He mixed up a rum and coke for Robin, which was just about the only thing Billy knew how to make. As long as there were only two ingredients- one alcohol and not alcohol- Billy guessed he could make pretty good drinks. He tried to make a whiskey and coke for himself but Harrington didn’t have any whiskey, so he made his the same as Robin’s, just a little stronger. They stood around drinking their drinks and chatting to people for a while.

There were a lot of people there, and all of them seemed like they wanted to talk to Billy. It was annoying, but he understood. It was the basketball party after all, and he had made a pretty big scene at the game with Harrington knocking him out and everything.

“Yeah, I’m fine, man,” Billy said for what felt like the hundredth time to some guy he didn’t really know all that well. _Yes, it hurts. No, I shouldn’t be drinking. Yeah, it’s probably ‘cause I kicked his ass at that party._

It took about forty minutes for everything to really get started. By then Steve’s house was so packed with people they were starting to spill out into the backyard. That seemed pretty impressive for Hawkins, especially since Steve’s house was so huge. Everyone was pretty drunk by then too. Robin kept having Billy refill her drinks, she was scarfing them down as fast as he was. He didn’t tell her he was mixing hers lighter or anything, she was pretty skinny. She was still getting drunk faster than him, he was thinking he’d have to cut her off pretty soon.

Billy wasn’t an exception either. He had a smile plastered across his face, which was a pretty big sign that he wasn’t in his right mind. He wasn’t such a smiley guy most of the time. He had Robin hanging all over him too, usually he’d have shrugged her off by now, but he didn’t mind so much. She was being cute and calling him stupid nicknames again. She looked cute in his tank top and her skinny jeans too. She was sitting on the counter with an arm around his neck and he had one up around her waist. She was getting all up in his face and pouting over how she wanted a refill and he wasn’t going to give her one until he finished his own. “It’s not my fault you drink so slooooow!”

“I don’t drink slow. You drink fast.”

“You’re such an ass!” She tried to fuck up his hair and scrunched up her nose. “Your hair’s crunchy.”

“It’s hairspray, you dipshit.” He swatted at her hand.

“You spray it?”

“What? You don’t put any fucking product in yours?”

Robin looked at him like he was saying something funny even though Billy didn’t think he was being funny. She was just looking at him smiling, leaned down all close so they could talk. His hand was still around her waist, sitting right above the ass pocket of her jeans. Her jeans went up real high, probably covered her belly button. Billy figured if she was into dudes and he was more into chicks this was where he’d kiss her. The kitchen was crowded. Tommy was across the room giving him a look that said _good job, man. Nice one._ It kind of creeped Billy out knowing Tommy was looking at them like that. There were probably a bunch of people around looking at them like that, which was even weirder. She was just his friend or whatever. He moved his hand from behind her and helped her off the counter. He got them both a new drink and decided they should go hang out somewhere else.

Billy’s head was starting to hurt again, but he was drunk enough it wasn’t really bugging him. He’d regret it in the morning for sure, it’d probably be worse than the one he woke up with, but that was a problem for future Billy. Present Billy just wanted to get drunker and hang out with Robin and maybe see Harrington. Robin dragged him to the living room and started talking to a group of girls she seemed to know.

“Bills.” Robin snapped her fingers in his face to get his attention. He had been looking all over to see if he could spot Harrington anywhere. “This is Heather, Amy, and Jen.” Billy said hey to Robin’s friends and chatted them up for a while. He’d only been talking to them for a bit, but they seemed pretty cool.

“Oh, were you a lifeguard over the summer?” Heather asked Robin, looking at her shirt.

“Yeah.” Robin said like a dork.

“Nah, it’s my shirt.” Billy told her, poking Robin’s shoulder. “She threw a big fit before we left that she had nothin’ to wear.”

Robin looked pissed off pretty fast and swatted his hand away. “Yeah, no, I just _asked_ and you said _okay.”_

Heather was looking between them with a little frown. “I didn’t know you guys got together.”

Robin burst out laughing and Billy was almost offended. “We’re so not together!” Robin told her. “Not at all! No way! That wouldn’t happen, oh my god.” Okay. That was overkill.

“We’re just friends,” Billy said. Just because he was drunk didn’t mean he had to start acting like a psychopath like Robin. Just meant he smiled a little more and if he kept going his cheeks would get pink. “I was a lifeguard before I moved here.”

Heather seemed pretty excited to hear that. She started talking about how she was a life guard at the Hawkins pool over the summer, and all her coworkers this past summer had sucked. She wrote down her phone number on a little piece of paper and gave it to Billy, making him promise to call or whatever so she could tell him more about the gig. Billy thought she was pretty cool.

“Heather you’re so not drunk enough!” Robin cut in out of nowhere and dragged her by the wrist over to the kitchen. Billy stared after them for a second wondering what the hell that was about. He didn’t think too much about it though, Robins other friends started talking to him right away. He forgot which one was Amy and which one was Jen but one was ginger and one had dark hair. Ginger kind of reminded him of Maxine, but dark hair was giving him eyes. He chatted them up a bit, saving his extra special smile for the brunette. Eventually ginger got bored fighting for his attention and he was left with the brunette. Amy-or-Jen kept laughing even though he wasn’t being that funny. She twirled her hair around her finger without really thinking about it. Billy usually thought that shit was cute but it was kind of pissing him off. He didn’t feel like standing around being all cutesy with some chick he didn’t really know. He wanted to be drinking with Robin. Or maybe talking to Steve. He’d apologized in the locker room, maybe he wanted to be friends or something.

Billy told Amy-or-Jen he had to go talk to his friends but he’d see her around. He gave her a real nice smile, tilted his head down a little and looked at her through these half-lidded eyes that chicks always liked. “I’m gonna give you my number,” she told him. Instead of writing it down on a piece of paper like Heather had she grabbed his wrist and scribbled it right on his forearm with a pen. She signed it ‘Jen’ with a little heart, so that at least solved that problem. He kissed her cheek and she laughed at him. He still didn’t think he was being funny.

Billy decided he should probably take a leak before he got caught up chasing after Harrington, so he went off to look for a bathroom. He guessed there were probably four or five around somewhere since the house was so giant. Still didn’t know where any of them were. Downstairs was pretty crowded so he took one of the staircases up a flight and paused outside the first door he saw. Bathrooms should be in a pretty obvious spot, right? He almost got his hand on the handle when he heard someone shout “Steve!”

It was pretty obvious that the voice belonged to Nancy Wheeler. No one else’s voice could make Billy’s skin crawl quite the same way.

“I just want to talk to you,” Steve’s voice followed through the door.

“I don’t feel like talking to you!” Christ, Wheeler was loud. She sounded pretty messy too, Billy guessed she was drunk.

“Yeah, well, you’re my girlfriend and sometimes you need to talk to me.”

“ _Need_ to? I _need_ to talk to you? Sorry, Steve, I didn’t realize I was your property or something!”

“Nance, I-“

“Why don’t you tell me some more about what I _need_ to do!”

Christ, they were really getting into it. Billy felt weird standing there and listening in but he couldn’t bring himself to step away from the door. He just wanted to use the bathroom.

“I just-“

“I’m not property, Steven!”

“I just wanted to know if you-“

“You don’t get to control me! You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do! I’m my own-“

“For the love of GOD, Nancy, did you sleep with Jonathan Byers?” Steve roared. Billy took a step back.

A silence followed. Billy could almost see Steve pushing his fingers through his hair and messing it up like he did when he got nervous. The silence stretched on so long Billy almost walked away, but then Nancy spoke again.

Her voice was quiet and seething. Billy wouldn’t have wanted to be on the receiving end of a tone like that. “Wow, Steve. Wow.”

The bathroom door flung open and Billy jumped. He looked caught in the act, probably had a guilty face on without realizing it or something. He was face to face with Wheeler, who fixed him with a death glare and scoffed as she pushed past. Her cheeks, eyes, and the tip of her pointed noise were all pink.

Steve followed her out. He wasn’t pink but he looked pretty upset. His hair was almost standing straight up from how much he’d been pushing his damn fingers through it. He gave Billy a dirty look when he saw him too. “Just wanted to take a leak!” Billy said, sliding by him and locking himself into the bathroom.

It looked as nice as the rest of the house did. No one’d gotten too drunk and started throwing up all over it yet. No one had knocked shit over either, Wheeler hadn’t chucked a shampoo bottle at Steve’s head or something. Billy was pretty impressed. If he was a chick going all hysterical and Harrington accused him of cheating he’d probably throw a shampoo bottle at him.

He took a piss, washed his hands, then started going through shit in the medicine cabinet. There wasn’t anything too exciting. Just typical bathroom stuff. Cold medicine, and hair products, and more bottles of extra strength Tylenol than Billy’d ever seen in his life. Christ. There were at least four or five of ‘em.

One of them had a black X drawn in the cap in marker and sat on a different shelf than the rest of them. Billy opened up the bottle and shook a few of the pills out into his hand. The pills were small and blue, definitely not Tylenol. Billy wasn’t sure if Steve was hiding them, or if his mom was popping pills on the side or something, but he felt like he scored. He shook five into his hand and stuffed them into his pocket.

He looked for Robin again downstairs but he couldn’t find her before he was intercepted by Jen.

“Hey, Billy,” she said, popping her gum. Her lipstick was smeared at the corner of her mouth.

“Have you seen Robin?”

Jen stopped looking so happy. She wrapped her gum around her finger and stretched it out before chomping it all back into her mouth. She probably thought she was bein’ real cute. Billy just kept picturing her long hair getting stuck in it. Wouldn’t that be hilarious. “Kitchen last I saw her,” Jen said.

Billy checked the kitchen but he couldn’t find Robin so he made another drink instead. He was already starting to feel pretty drunk, but this was the basketball party! He earned this. Got knocked unconscious for this. He ended up getting stuck chatting to a couple guys in the kitchen so he downed two more drinks just to get through the conversation.

“No, I don’t have a concussion.” He totally had a concussion.

“No, it doesn’t hurt.” It fucking throbbed.

“I’m not mad at Harrington or whatever.” He was totally pissed.

He really didn’t feel like talking about his head, or the game, or Steve anymore so he told the guys he needed to go find Robin. “Who?” One asked. “Oh, the chick you’re with?” The other guessed.

“Yeah, I’m not with her,” Billy said.

“Mind if I get with her then? She’s hot, why don’t I know her.” 

Billy scrunched up his face and took another sip of his third? Fourth drink? Hearing other guys talk about Robin like that made him feel pretty weird. Made him feel all grossed out for her. “She’s not fuckin’ interested,” Billy said. “Don’t talk about her like that, man. She’s a total nerd. She’s just my friend.”

“She seems pretty cool.”

She was pretty cool. But she was also a huge dork. She was also Billy’s huge dork, and he didn’t want asshole guys trying to get with her all night. “She’s a nerd.” Billy said again and stalked out of the kitchen.

On top of everything else, he was really starting to feel all the drinks. He thought he was walking alright, but he kept tripping over his own feet. He felt pretty pissed off too, but he guessed that made sense. Rum always made him a moody bitch. He tripped his way out back and leaned against the railing of Steve’s back porch. There were a bunch of people out there too, by the smell of it they were smoking dope. Billy thought about going and trying to buy some from someone, but he decided against it. He didn’t really feel like talking to anyone.

Hearing Steve and Nancy argue put him in a shit mood and he couldn’t quite pinpoint why. If anything it should’ve cheered him up a bit. He was mad at Steve and all, seeing him fight with his girl was just what he deserved. But it didn’t make him feel like that. Just made him feel like shit. Then the guys talking about Robin pissed him off too. He still couldn’t figure out why. Maybe he was pissed they were talking about her like she was just another chick. Or maybe he was pissed that she wasn’t his girl when everyone thought she was.

He kept thinking about it, it’d just be so easy. They got along well, and she was always making him laugh. He was frustrating himself thinking about it, even with the whole Robin liking girls thing aside, Billy didn’t feel anything for her. He didn’t feel anything like that with most girls.

All girls, really, but he didn’t mind sleeping with them sometimes. Which was also confusing.

Rum made him moody but it also made him think too much. He fumbled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it so he could stop thinking so much.

Looking out around the yard he spotted Steve. He was sitting in a plastic folding chair out by the pool laughing with a bunch of other people, watching some guy in khaki shorts shotgun a beer. He had Nancy practically in his lap like they hadn’t been screaming at each other in the bathroom just a couple minutes ago. He narrowed his eyes and watched them. Steve was playing with her hair like he wasn’t even thinking about it. She had one of her hands sitting on his thigh. It didn’t look like anything, but girls always put a lot of thought into it when they touched you. Billy figured Steve was getting lucky tonight.

Whatever. Good for him.

“Oh my GOD, there’s a pool??” Someone shrieked from behind him. Heather had just stepped out onto the deck, followed by Robin. Heather was staring at the pool with big eyes, he guessed Robin had succeeded in getting her drunk. “Let’s get in the pool!”

She was being so loud you could hear her from across the yard. Steve looked over at them and frowned. “Yeah, let’s not do that.”

“What? Why not?”

“I don’t need a bunch of drunk people drowning in my pool, alright, my dad would kill me.”

“But Steve!” Robin piped up, “I’m a lifeguard!”

Steve didn’t look convinced. Just shook his head and turned his attention back to his lame friends, and his lame girlfriend, and their lame cans of beer. Robin was always talking about Steve but he couldn’t care less about her.

“Robin,” Billy said to get her attention. She said something to Heather then came right over, grinning from ear to ear.

“Hey!” She said, way too hyper.

“I was lookin’ for you,” Billy said all moody.

“You couldn’t find me because I was in a bedroom!” She was practically yelled. She looked so insane.

“Christ, Rob, how much did you have to drink?” Billy had seen her pretty wasted and he had never seen her like this. She looked like she was buzzing or something. Her pupils were dilated too, so big he could barely see the blue.

“Are you really not going to ask me about the bedroom thing?”

“Shit, did you take somethin’?”

Robin ignored the question. She looked offended he wasn’t asking her about the bedroom thing, so Billy humored her. “What were you doing in the bedroom?”

Robin dropped her voice and stopped screaming for the first time that whole conversation. “I kissed Heather. Well, Heather kind of kissed me. We kissed each other. For like, I swear to you, twenty minutes.”

“Impressive.” Robin was always telling all her shit to Billy. She loved talking about who she was fighting with, or which girls she liked and which she didn’t like. This was probably the most exciting thing that’d happened to her since they started hanging out, so Billy let her talk. She went on about it for a while, and did a pretty decent job keeping her voice at a normal level through most of it.

“-and then she was like, ‘ _do you ever wonder what it’s like to kiss a girl_ ,’ and I was like, ‘I know what it’s like to kiss a girl. But I wonder what it’s like to kiss a certain girl,’ then she cupped my cheek and just, leaned in. She just _went_ for it Billy.”

Billy oohed and ahhed in all the right spots. He listened to her tell her little story even though he didn’t really care. He was just thinking about someone else the whole time.

He kind of wondered if that line would work on Harrington. Then he caught himself thinking that and cut it out real fast.

“Are you ready to head out?” Billy asked her when she was done gushing over Heather. Heather had wandered down to the pool and was talking to Steve and all his friends. They weren’t going into the pool or anything, but she was lookin’ at it real longingly, like she was still thinking about going in it.

“Yeah, I don’t think I need a ride home anymore.”

“Why? Heather’s not good to drive you, man.” Billy didn’t feel too good either, but at least he knew how to drive wasted. He wasn’t sure Heather had any experience.

“We’re gonna stay here for a while.” Robin said it like he was slow.

Oh. OH.

“I don’t know if you should be doin’ anything if you’re on something.” Chicks were always weird about that stuff, they never wanted to hook up if they were too high, or not high enough. There was some fucking algorithm to it but Billy hadn’t figured it out yet. He usually got around fine regardless.

“I’m fine, dumbass!”

“I’m just watchin’ out for you and shit!”

“I wanted to do this before I took E!”

Christ. “Fine, hang around. I’m going home though, I’m sick of being here.”

Robin jutted out her bottom lip. “Is this because you-know-who’s got Nancy in his lap?”

“Shut up, man! Doesn’t work calling him you-know-who if you say his girls’ name right after!” Billy whisper shouted. Harrington was down by the pool but it wasn’t all that far from the deck.

“Fine, god, is this because you-know-who’s got the N-word in his lap?”

Jesus fuck. “Yeah, don’t think you should call her that. Heather!” Billy shouted. She came right over. Steve and his friends still weren’t letting her in the pool. She was hanging all over Robin in about a second, arm around her neck and all. It was crazy, he thought. They kissed once and they were already hanging all over each other. When Billy was with chicks he always felt like he was playing a game. Like every time he touched them he had to think about it, and plan it out, and make it mean something or whatever. Maybe that’s not what they wanted. Maybe if a girl was into you she wanted you all over her. Robin seemed pretty happy to have Heather all over her, and he hadn’t heard shit about Heather before tonight. Heather seemed just as happy to be all over Robin even though he hadn’t seen them talk before or anything.

Robin was teaching him so much about girls. He wished it was more useful.

He chatted around with them for a while but then they made their excuses and headed inside. Billy knew what that meant, so he didn’t follow them. He followed party noises back to the living room. He didn’t immediately pick up a drink because he was pretty drunk already. More than pretty drunk, he was feeling way too drunk now and he didn’t want to go throwing up all over Steve’s living room even if he totally deserved it.

Jen was in the living room. She came right up to him again.

“We’re playing spin the bottle,” she told him, jutting her hip out. Her hair was so crazy. Girls were always wearing their hair all crazy. Billy thought it was stupid most of the time but he thought it was so funny right then. He couldn’t stop smiling.

“Good for ya.”

“You should play.” She snapped her gum.

“Should I?”

She grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the couches. Plural. Billy’d never seen more than, like, two couches in a living room. Steve had four. No one was actually sitting on the couches though, they were all sitting on the floor in front of the couches in a big circle around the little coffee table.

It wasn’t really a circle, it was more of a blob. That made Billy smile too. Jen didn’t let go of his hand when they sat down. She was running her nails along the back of his hand and he kept looking at her bright blue nail polish. He felt pretty good. He felt _really_ good, he wasn’t even thinking about Steve. He wasn’t thinking about dudes at all, this felt so easy. All he had to do was get a little drunk. It was just nice to have someone wanting you anyway.

“It’s my turn,” Jen said all dramatically. They had a beer bottle sitting in the middle of the coffee table. She spun it and it landed on some dude Billy didn’t recognize. They kissed like a couple of middle schoolers, leaned across the table with nothing touching but their lips. It was so amusing. The guy spun and it landed on some girl from Billy’s English class. They kissed too, just as lame. When she spun the bottle it landed on Billy. At least he was getting some action.

He thought it was pretty shitty to kiss someone and not even pretend to be a little bit into it. He knew it was just a game or whatever, but it still felt pretty shitty. When English girl leaned across the table Billy cupped her cheek. He kissed her short and soft, but he was stroking her cheek with his thumb a little. He wasn’t just gonna not touch her or something. She was smiling when they pulled apart. Billy was pretty sure he was smiling too.

It was his turn, so he spun the bottle. It landed on Ryan. He didn’t know Ryan too well, but he was friends with all of the basketball guys, so Billy’d at least talked to him a few times before. He was one of the first people to ask Billy if his head was alright. Rum made him too damn romantic. He didn’t even think about it, just started leaning over before Ryan said “yeah, no faggot shit. Respin.” Billy shrugged around in his jacket trying to play it off. He didn’t think anyone noticed or anything.

He didn’t want to kiss Ryan or anything, just hadn’t been thinking about it. He was bein’ stupid. He spun the bottle again and it almost landed on himself, but it stopped just short and the opening was pointing at Jen. She smiled and that made him feel good again. She put a hand on his knee before she started leaning in and he kind of forgot they were playing some stupid game for a second.

“Do you ever wonder what it’s like to kiss a girl?” Billy asked like an idiot.

“What?”

“Just wanted to know if that line works.”

There wasn’t a table between them since they were sitting right next to each other, so that kind of gave him an advantage. He got his hand on her face just like he did with the girl from English but he wasn’t as soft. He was pulling her in more than he was just holding her. Once they were kissing they didn’t really stop. The hand on his knee turned into the hand on his thigh, and the hand on her face turned into the hand in her hair. He felt pretty messy, but his mouth was still doing everything his brain told it to do. Billy didn’t turn into too much of a sloppy kisser when he was drunk. A little desperate, maybe. 

He slid his tongue between her parted lips and someone started cheering. He pulled back when he remembered they were playing a game. Everyone looked real jazzed up now. He guessed the game hadn’t gotten good until then. It was Jen’s turn now, but she pushed the bottle away from her. “Someone else can take my turn. Billy and I are going to grab something to drink.”

She grabbed his hand again and made him get to his feet. For someone so tiny she was pretty good at dragging him around. Not that Billy was putting up much of a fight. She was pretty, even with smeared lipstick and crazy hair.

She took him to the kitchen and grabbed him something to drink. She offered him the cup but he turned it down so she drank it herself. She drank well, didn’t even flinch.

“So.” She said, leaning on the counter with one hip popped out like she did. She took her gum out of her mouth and folded it up in a paper towel. Billy wondered how he didn’t feel it earlier. Maybe she had hid it under her tongue or something. Or in her cheeks like a chipmunk. Billy smiled.

“So.” He was an idiot sometimes but he could take a hint. He started kissing her again, right up against the big kitchen island. It didn’t take very long for things to get heated, she had her tongue all in his mouth already. She was skinny and all so Billy hooked his hand under her thighs and set her up on the counter. She made a noise against his mouth so Billy pulled her forward by the ass. She wrapped her legs around him and kissed him harder.

He wasn’t sure how long they were kissing, but it was nice. He was touching her all over. Tracing his hands from over her ass, to her back, up and down her sides. She was leaning right into it, she’d probably let him get to second base right there in the kitchen if he wanted. He thought feeling girls up in that position was pretty weird though. Maybe when they moved to a bed, or a couch, or his backseat or something and he got her shirt off, but when he was standing there with her sitting on Steve’s fancy granite or marble or whatever counter top it just felt trashy. Her sides felt just as nice as her tits would anyway. Her shirt was coming untucked from her skirt and her skin felt soft where Billy could feel it.

Her lips popped like her gum when she pulled back. “Do you have a condom?”

“Uh- right in the kitchen?” No one was in there but if anyone from the living room turned around…

“No, oh my god. Don’t be retarded, we’d move to a bedroom.”

“This is Steve’s house.”

She gave him a look like he was being funny, but not in an entertaining way. Just in an annoying way. “We don’t have to go to Steve’s room. He’s got three or four guest rooms.”

Billy wasn’t trying to be funny. He felt pretty dumb, like his brain was shutting off or something, like he was having trouble thinking and talking and other easy shit. He couldn’t decide if he felt more like laughing or throwing up, even though he still didn’t think anything funny was happening.

“Are you drunk?” he asked her.

“No,” she said. He kind of thought she was lying, he was pretty sure she had tasted like booze when they had been playing the dumb game earlier. Maybe he just imagined all that though, he wasn’t too sure. But she said no, so Billy thought she was alright. She wasn’t sloppy or anything. Hell, she was handling herself better than he was. He tried kissing her again but it didn’t last very long. “Do you have a condom?” she asked again.

“Yeah, I got one.”

She slid off the counter. Billy didn’t step back so she just got pressed between him and the fancy island. They started kissing again and now that she knew it was going somewhere she was a lot more eager to kiss him. Billy hadn’t kissed someone like this in a while. She had her arms around his neck and he had his hands on her hips. Everyone was still out in the living room, he wasn’t in too big a rush to get anywhere. He moved his hips forward and she breathed against his mouth. He did it again and she breathed a little harder. She dug her nails into his shoulder blade through the red shirt he had on. He was pretty sure he had been wearing a jacket when he showed up, but he couldn’t remember when he took it off.

He started feeling around for the bottom of her skirt. She wasn’t pushing his hand away or anything, she was shifting her leg to help him out. He hiked her skirt up and started running his hand over her ass under the skirt. She was wearing those stupid colorful tights under her skirt that all the girls had been wearing, but he was pretty sure she wasn’t wearing anything underneath those. They’d probably be a pain to get off.

He moved his hand again and started rubbing between her legs. She moaned into his mouth and dug her nails in even harder. She was so worked up already. She was so wet Billy could feel it through the nylon tights. Once she started she couldn’t stop making noises. Billy rubbed her through the tights and let his fingers get all sticky. He couldn’t finger her like he wanted to because the tights were hiked up too high for him to get his hand in them right in the kitchen, but Jen didn’t seem to mind. She flopped her head onto his shoulder and muffled her noises into his shirt. Some chicks didn’t even like getting fingered, they just wanted you to play with their clit. Billy thought maybe Jen was one of them. He had two fingers moving in a circle on her and she bit down on his shoulder. He hoped she wasn’t marking him up too bad.

“Je-sus Christ! Hi, hey, yeah, I’ll go. I just wanted some water but I can come back. Okay.”

Billy moved his hand back real fast and looked up. Harrington was standing in the kitchen looking real flustered, one hand on his hip the other rubbing at the back of his neck. He was acting like no one’d ever hooked up in his house before. He was pretty sure Tommy and Carol were screwing around in his parents’ room right now. Robin and Heather were probably getting up to something in a guest room. Billy didn’t see what the big deal was.

He guessed the kitchen was pretty public. And unsanitary, he was being an ass. Harrington deserved it, but he was still being an ass.

“Sorry,” Jen said. She sounded pretty breathless, her cheeks were all pink. “We’ll go somewhere else.”

She grabbed Billy’s hand again, the one with sticky fingers and she dragged him off. He followed her the best he could but the room was spinning, and next thing he knew he was slumped against the wall. She didn’t want to do it in the kitchen. This was at least four steps out of the kitchen. He pulled Jen up against him, bucking his hips up against where her skirt was riding up in the front. She kissed him again, just once then smiled at him like he was being funny.

He didn’t feel funny. He felt pretty bad, he was rubbing right up against her and he couldn’t get hard. He had too much to drink. He kept rubbing up on her but it didn’t help. He had been with girls before. He had even been with girls after he started looking at guys like that, and he never had an issue getting it up. Sex was sex, Billy figured. And just because he thought about guys more didn’t mean he wouldn’t like it with girls. Someone touching your dick was someone touching your dick, got him going either way.

He didn’t even feel turned on anymore.

“Billy, hey, let’s just go to a bedroom.” She stepped back and Billy guessed he was getting pretty aggressive rubbing up on her with his limp cock. God, he was pathetic.

“Bedroom,” Billy repeated. He took a step forward and he fell against the wall again. The more steps he took the harder he kept crashing into the wall. It was like there was a magnet pulling him to the wall or something, he kept bumping it with his shoulder.

“Are you alright?” Jen asked him. She sounded concerned now.

“’M good. ‘M so good, I just need a second I think.” He tried thinking of this girl he hooked up with back in California. She had sucked his dick and played with his balls at the same time and no one had ever done that to him before. He came in about thirty seconds. Jesus god, why was he trying to make himself pop a boner four steps outside Harrington’s kitchen? His brain felt really fogged up.

Then his stomach twisted and he was tripping all over himself in the four steps it took to get to Harrington’s sink.

“Okay, yeah, wow. This is happening.” He heard Steve say like he was all stressed out. Then he felt Jen hold his hair back while he puked his guts out into Steve’s big, fancy sink.

When he was done he wiped his mouth on his arm, because he was gross, and saw it was Steve holding his hair back and not Jen. Jen hadn’t moved and she was looking at him with an expression he couldn’t quite read. He would guess somewhere between grossed out and pissed off, but he wasn’t in any sort of state of mind to be analyzing shit.

Billy rinsed his mouth off in the sink and apologized. To Jen, not to Harrington. Steve kind of deserved this.

“It’s alright,” she told him, but she sounded weird. She looked embarrassed.

“We can still hook up,” Billy said. He was pretty sure he’d be able to get her off just fine with his fingers if his dick didn’t want to get it together.

“Um- I don’t think that’s a good idea.” That was Steve. The hell did Steve care who he hooked up with?

“The hell do you care who I hook up with?”

“You’re really drunk, man. I don’t think you should be doing anything.”

“I’m throwing up because you keep giving me HEAD INJURIES, YOU ASSHOLE!”

Steve looked really panicked. Billy wasn’t sure what he was so concerned about, maybe he was thinking about Tommy and Carol going at it in his parents’ bed.

“I think he’s out of commission for tonight,” Steve told Jen, who was still just standing there looking freaked, or pissed, or grossed out.

“Okay…” she said slowly. “Billy, call me tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Remind him to call me tomorrow?” She asked Steve, who nodded dutifully. She stalked off after that, Billy couldn’t blame her.

He felt a little better after throwing up. Just a little though. He still had to lean on the counter to stand up. “The hell was that about, man?”

“What!?” Harrington asked, getting all defensive. “You’re way too drunk to go hooking up with someone. Best case scenario, you embarrass the shit out of yourself. You should be telling me thank you.”

“I ain’t gonna embarrass myself, you spaz! Why’re you so busy cock blocking me? Can’t get your girl to give it up for you?”

“Man, don’t talk about her-“

“That what you were fuckin’ screamin’ about in the bathroom? Nancy! Nancy! What can’t I get my dick wet, Nancy?” Billy said in a screwed up voice to mock him.

“Just shut the hell up! I was trying to be nice, I thought I owed it to you or something, but I don’t owe you shit!” Steve was waving his arms all over the place like a pissed off insane person. He stomped off like a drama queen leaving Billy alone in the kitchen.

He turned to the sink and rinsed his vomit down the drain. Steve had one of those sinks with a faucet that you could detach and move around, so he amused himself splashing the water all over and cleaning the sink. That probably made him gross, but whatever. It was entertaining.

Billy was sure Robin was still off with Heather somewhere, and there wasn’t anyone else he wanted to hang around with now that he blew his chances of hooking up, so he decided to just go home. It was late enough now his dad’d be in bed, he wouldn’t have to deal with him at all. Max’d probably be asleep too, so she wouldn’t go hounding him about Robin and the party.

He sulked his way over to the front door with more ease than before. He only bumped the wall once. As soon as he was outside he lit up a cigarette and smoked it to try and sober up some as he made his way over to where he parked down the street.

It took him a while to finish his cigarette and dig around for his keys in his jeans pocket. By the time he was fumbling his keys into the door and scratching up his paint job he heard footsteps jogging down the road toward him.

“Hey, hi, the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Billy had no idea what had gotten into Harrington thinking he was Billy’s goddamn mom or something today, but there he was. Huffing and puffing and trying to boss Billy around.

“The fuck’s it look like I’m doing? I’m going home.”

“Yeah, no, you’re wasted.”

Billy didn’t feel wasted. He jabbed his key at his door some more.

“Christ, knock it off.” Steve put a hand on his arm to still him. Billy shrugged him off but stopped with the key. “I’ll drive you home.”

“You good to drive?”

“I’m way better off then you. Come on.”

“Shouldn’t you be with your girl?”

“Shouldn’t you be with yours?” Steve bit back.

“She’s… not my girl.”

“Her number’s on your arm.”

Billy had already forgotten about that. He looked down at his arm. There was Jen’s neat, loopy writing scratched across his whole goddamn forearm. He wished she’d written it smaller or something. “Man, what do you want?” Billy asked all pissed off. Harrington had this way of getting on his last nerve in about two seconds. Maybe it had something to do with his eyes.

Alcohol made him too romantic. He got pissed off again. He should swear off drinking or something. Maybe drinking’d be alright, but only when Steve wasn’t around to irritate him and make him all giddy. He felt like a school girl. It made him feel sick.

“To drive you home,” Steve said.

“You’re too sweet.”

“I just don’t want you crashing into my mailbox or something. Come on, let’s go.”

Billy went without much more of a fuss. He was too messed up to argue. It was probably for the best anyway, if he drove himself home he’d probably total the damn Camaro. Not that he’d ever admit that to Steve.

Steve’s car was parked in the big fancy garage. Billy had a lot of fun playing around with all the buttons and knobs on the dash of his BMW. He had no idea what they even did, there were like, four just for the stereo.

“Can you knock it off?” Steve asked as he started up the car. He sounded all ticked off, like this wasn’t exactly what he had been asking for.

“You wanted to drive me.”

“I wanted you home safe, just stop touching shit.”

Billy touched some more shit then slumped back in the seat and kept his hands in his lap. The driveway was so full of cars Steve had to maneuver his way out carefully. He kept sticking his head out the window then readjusting the rearview mirror to get a better view. Eventually Billy stuck his own head out the window like a doof and helped him back out. They managed to get on the main road without hitting anyone.

The car ride was quiet. Steve fucked with a few of the fancy knobs and turned on the radio, but it wasn’t a good station. He didn’t turn it up loud like Billy did either, he kept it quiet like it was background music. He was probably used to his girlfriend talking his ear off while they drove around, but Billy certainly wasn’t going to yap like that.

He didn’t yap at all until they were halfway across town.

“What happened with you and your girlfriend?” Billy asked.

“Why do you care?”

“’Cause I saw you screaming at each other in the bathroom earlier then she was sittin’ on your lap like nothing happened.”

“Are you spying on us or something?”

Steve had no idea. “No. Just want to know what her deal is.”

“She doesn’t have a deal!” Steve said like a good boyfriend. “We just got into an argument-“

“About what?”

“About _nothing._ We got into an argument but we made up and now we’re fine. Who’s that girl you were with.”

“Her name’s Jen.”

“Not that one. The one you showed up with.”

Billy wasn’t sure why he felt upset over Steve not knowing Robin’s name, but he did. She really thought he was hot shit, and he couldn’t even give her the time of day. “That’s Robin.”

“Are you guys a thing?”

Everyone thought they were a goddamn thing. “No. She’s screwing around with someone in one of your fancy rooms right now.”

Steve wrinkled his nose. “Who?”

“Heather.” Billy told him. He didn’t realize until after he said it that he probably shouldn’t go blabbing Robin’s secret to everyone. Even if she had been screaming about it on the back porch earlier.

“Heather’s a girl,” Steve said like Billy was slow.

Billy didn’t respond. Everything was quiet for a moment until it clicked. “Oh,” Steve said smartly. “OH.”

“Yeah,” Billy said, and they sat in silence again.

He felt pretty shitty with Steve driving him around. Sure, Steve had knocked him around twice and probably given him actual brain damage, but Billy had kind of started it. This whole thing, this whole stupid, unspoken feud they had going on started when Billy knocked the shit out of him at Tammy Thompson’s party. He hadn’t been counting or anything, but Billy’s pretty sure he punched him three or four times. Steve had to come to school all bruised and everything. Billy had been a total dick, and now Steve was doing nice things for him and shit. Steve was probably sitting there feeling bad for knocking him over when Billy had started it. This was probably his way of making it up to him even though they were even.

“Sorry I beat you up. I’m a dick.” Billy’s voice was quiet like the radio.

“I should probably stay away from you.”

“You should definitely stay away from me.” That made Steve smile. “What? What’s so fuckin’ funny?”

“Nothing.” Steve said quickly. “Nothing, I’ll just- yeah. I’ll keep that in mind.”

He turned onto Billy’s street without asking for directions or anything. Billy didn’t ask how he knew where he lived, it was probably from dropping off Maxine. Steve was always running around with kids way younger than him, it was pretty creepy if you thought about it.

“Uh, you can drop me off here.” Billy said quickly.

Steve didn’t stop the car. “I can drop you at your house it’s no problem.”

“It’s a problem. My dad’s just weird.” He didn’t want to get into this, especially not with Harrington.

But Harrington just had to pry. “Weird how? Were you not supposed to be out? I hate to break it to you man, but he’s going to notice your car’s missing whether I drop you at the corner or not.”

He was still driving the fucking car. “It’s just a thing.” Billy snapped. He sounded frantic but he didn’t remember getting all worked up. He was definitely worked up now though, shifting around and taking off his seatbelt.

“What kind of thing?” Steve pressed.

“Stop asking questions.”

“I just-“

“Stop the fucking car!” Billy yelled like he was insane. He felt pretty insane right then. He felt embarrassed too, yelling in Harrington’s car like that. Steve stopped the car though, he slammed on the brakes and the two of them rocked forward.

“Jesus Christ! Fine! I stopped!” Steve yelled right back. “What’s your problem?”

What was his problem? Hell, Billy didn’t know where to start.

_“Where are you going?”_

_Billy’s almost to the front door when his dad stops him with the question. The old man doesn’t even bother to get up. Doesn’t even bother to look at him, just keeps staring at the TV from his lazy chair._

_“Out.” Billy says. “Movies.”_

_“Who are you going with?”_

_“What’s with the third degree? I’m going with Vanessa.” Vanessa’s the girl he’s been going around with. She’s alright. She wears her hair in a big ponytail on the side of her head and likes stacking bracelets up to her elbow, but she’s alright._

_“I heard a car pull up outside is all.”_

_“Yeah.” Neil’s off his rocker, truly. “She’s driving. Her brother’s truck has a broken goddamn muffler you can hear it rattle from a mile away. We’re not going to be out late though, won’t wake you up or whatever.”_

_“She’s driving you around now?”_

_They’ve been going out for a few months now. His dad knows about her, he doesn’t see what the big deal is. “Yeah…”_

_“Can’t believe my son’s getting hauled around town by a chick like some fuckin’ queer,” he says, more to the TV than to Billy. “You need to grow a pair, son. Stop letting girls drive you. What did you spend all that money on your car for?”_

_It’s one goddamn time. She’s picking him up one time because Billy smoked a joint and she doesn’t like when he drives after that, and he’s been wanting to ride around in her brother’s truck since he saw the monster in her driveway anyway._

_He stomps out of the house and gets in her brother’s truck. He doesn’t think it’s such a big deal to let her drive, but he can’t shake what his dad said. He slumps down in his seat and tries not to think about how many people can probably see them right now. Tries not to think about how many people are looking at him thinking he’s a total queer. It makes him feel wrong, feel dirty. He feels so dirty he can’t even touch Vanessa at the movies._

Neil was going to think he was a total queer if he saw Harrington driving him around. Neil was going to think he was a queer and beat him into next week. It wasn’t worth it, he’d rather admit he got shitfaced and say he walked himself home.

“Thanks for the ride,” Billy said in his pissed off voice and hopped out of Steve’s fancy car. He walked the rest of the way back to his house and Steve just sat in the road for a few seconds before speeding off.

He woke up well past noon on Sunday. His head hurt even more than it had before the basketball game. He couldn’t tell if it was from getting drunk again or from Steve knocking his head against the hard gym floor again. Probably both. Either way he could hardly keep his eyes open, maybe he’d have to go to the hospital.

He spent a while in bed holding his head and feeling sorry for himself, but eventually he got bored and hauled himself into the kitchen. His dad and Susan were already at work so he didn’t need to worry about his dad calling him a lazy ass for sleeping in so late, or hound him about where he was last night, or where his car was. He downed a glass of water and turned on the coffee maker. He took some pain pills while he waited for his coffee to brew then started sipping that instead of water. He thought he was actually starting to feel better when a little terror came bounding into the kitchen and ruined everything.

“Where’s Robin?” Max asked immediately and Billy groaned.

“You’re too goddamn loud.”

“I’m not loud I’m using an indoor voice!” Max said in an outdoor voice. She was always yelling instead of talking. Probably because Billy always got her pissed off.

“Robin’s probably still at Steve’s.”

“You didn’t take her home?”

“No I didn’t take her home! She had her own shit she wanted to do.”

Max looked hurt, but just for a second. She cheered right up when she saw there was extra coffee and started helping herself to a glass.

“You’re too young for that,” Billy told her. She ignored him and starting scooping heaping spoonfuls of sugar into the mug. She stirred it up then retreated back to her bedroom.

Billy tried watching TV for a while but it was just making his head hurt more so he slumped off back to his room. Max had the phone stretched all the way to her room and was yapping away to someone. She was being too loud again. Billy climbed into bed and pounded on the wall a few times until she shut the door. It didn’t make it much quieter, but it helped a little. He had just downed a whole cup of coffee, but he still managed to fall back asleep after only a few hours of tossing and turning.

He kept waking up and going back to sleep but he stayed in bed all the way until Monday morning.

They had to get up even earlier than usual on Monday to catch the bus. Maxine was in a shittier mood than she usually was in the mornings. She kept saying it was Billy’s fault they had to take the bus, which wasn’t fair at all.

Okay, maybe it was a little bit his fault, but Harrington was more to blame than anyone else! Billy only agreed to the ride because he was making such a big scene over it. If Steve had just stayed inside Billy could’ve driven himself home and then he could’ve driven them to school like he always did.

Or he’d be in the hospital and his car would be totaled. Who knows.

He put on a hoodie under his jean jacket because it was cold as shit in the mornings now and he still didn’t know where his leather one was. It usually got hot in the middle of the day and he sweated his ass off, but it was cold right now. He and Max trudged out to the bus stop at the end of the street and stood around not talking to each other. There were a couple other kids around but no one Billy knew. Max pulled out her Walkman and put the little headphones over her ears, Billy lit up a cigarette, and they waited.

Before the bus could show up a fancy Beamer pulled up to the stop sign and rolled down the passenger window.

“The hell are you doing on my street?” Billy asked Steve.

“I was just in the neighborhood,” Steve said casually. “Need a ride.”

It was pretty embarrassing to have Steve offer him a ride right in front of everybody. No one was paying attention to him, but it was still embarrassing. He could drive him damn self, his car was just being held hostage. “I don’t need a fuckin’ ride.”

Max pushed the headphones down to hug her neck and gave Billy her best death glare. “Oh my god are you serious?” She slugged him on the arm and started tugging on Steve’s passenger door. “Yes we want a ride, Billy’s just being stupid.”

“Don’t get up front, shitbird,” Billy groaned, grabbing her by the shoulder. Max climbed in back instead and Billy accepted his fate, climbing in the front seat.

“You don’t have to do this,” Billy grumbled as he got his backpack shoved down by his feet.

“I’m not doing anything,” Steve said with a stupid smug smile. “You can’t smoke in my car.”

“I’ll roll down the window.”

“Yeah, windows stay up. Messes up my hair.” Steve said with a totally straight face. Billy had to try hard not to crack a smile.

“Pretty boy like you shouldn’t worry so much,” Billy said as he rolled down the window, flicked the butt out and rolled it back up.

The drive to school wasn’t as terrible as Billy would’ve expected. Maxine leaned forward in her seat and barked orders to Steve about which station she wanted the radio on. Steve almost drove off the road twice trying to tune the damn thing since Billy refused to touch it.

“You were so interested in all the buttons last time you were in here, can’t you help me out now?”

Billy ignored him and stared out the window.

When they pulled up outside Hawkins High Max hopped out of the car right away like it was killing her and she hadn’t made herself all comfortable.

“Ain’t you gonna say thank you?” Billy asked her.

“Thanks Steve!” She yelled before shutting the door and running off to look for her friends out front.

“Thanks for the ride.” Billy said too, gathering up his stuff. Steve had been being nice to him and everything but he still felt weird being alone with him.

“Your car’s still at my house.”

“Thanks, I noticed.”

“Are you going to come get it?”

“Yeah, Harrington, let me just fucking walk all the way to your house.”

“Jesus.” Steve pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. “Chill out. I was going to offer to drive you over after school so you can pick it up.”

“You don’t got anything going on?”

“No. Do you?”

Billy didn’t have shit to do now that basketball was officially over. “Guess not. Yeah, we can do that.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Billy thought he should probably thank him again but he was already straining himself being so friendly. He didn’t want to push it. “See you after school.” He reached across the seat to ruffle up Steve’s hair. Steve squawked and slapped his hand away.

School went by agonizingly slow, like it usually did. People he didn’t know were coming up to him all day asking him about the game, and about his head. By third hour Billy was sick of talking about it, by lunch he had hunted down Max and borrowed her Walkman so he could put the little headphones on and keep people from stopping him in the halls. She had a Journey tape in so he didn’t actually turn it on, but the headphones did the trick. No one bugged him until halfway through lunch.

He was eating alone because Tommy and Carol were annoying and they hadn’t been talking much anymore. The only person he really talked to anymore was Robin, but she had switched to second lunch for some band thing while Billy still had first. He didn’t mind eating alone or anything, usually he’d just eat fast and run out to his car to smoke before class. He didn’t have his car, but he could still go outside. He was almost finished mowing down on the sandwich he’d brought and he was craving a cigarette pretty bad. Just as he was thinking he should probably run outside and smoke one before class someone sat down in front of him.

It was Jen from the party. She didn’t care he had Max’s little headphones over his ears, she started talking anyway.

“You didn’t call me.” She said.

Billy pushed the headphones off his ears so they hung around his neck. “Come again?”

“You didn’t call me.”

“I didn’t have your number. I showered when I got home and it washed off.” Billy usually got a kick out of talking to girls, but he wasn’t in the mood today. He felt like shit from drinking, and he felt like shit for almost puking all over Jen, and he felt like shit for having to ride around with Steve Harrington.

“I just… I wanted to say sorry.” Jen said, popping her gum. Her crazy hair looked a little less crazy today and her lipstick stayed on her lips. She had a jean jacket on a couple sizes too big for her and the sleeves were rolled almost to her elbows. She looked pretty cute drowning in the fabric. “I didn’t mean to pressure you at the party or anything. I didn’t know you were that drunk.”

Billy wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole. He was pretty drunk and all, but it’s not like she had been taking advantage of him or anything, he was the one with the hand under her skirt for christ’s sake!

“You weren’t pressuring me. I just drank too much and had to puke.”

“But Steve said-“

“Steve doesn’t know shit!” Billy shouted. She leaned back a little and frowned.

“Sorry,” she said again. “I just wanted to let you know that if you still wanna, I still wanna.”

Billy slept around a lot in California, but he hadn’t been doing that so much in Hawkins. He hadn’t gotten laid in a couple months now and he felt fine. He wasn’t into her anyway. He thought he was into her at the party, but sitting across from her now he didn’t feel anything. “Give me your number.”

She scribbled it on a gum wrapper so he couldn’t wash it off and Billy shoved it in his pocket and smiled at her. “I’ll call you,” he promised.

She smiled back, popped her gum and left him alone. He didn’t even have time to go smoke now.

Later in the afternoon he had math with Robin. He was actually excited to talk to her, he hadn’t gotten the chance to see her since the party and as much as he liked to think he didn’t care he was pretty curious to know what happened with Heather.

Robin was sitting in her usual spot wearing one of her terrible baggy t-shirts tucked into a pair of jeans. Billy sat down next to her.

“What?” She asked when he stared at her.

“You know.”

“I do not know,” Robin grinned. She still had a dark bruise right on her neck that her hair almost did a good job hiding, but not quite.

“Did you have fun at Steve’s?” Billy asked, grinning.

“I kept waiting for you to come over. I didn’t have anyone to tell this shit to all weekend!”

“I was gonna, didn’t have my car.”

“Where’s your car?”

“Steve’s.”

Robin’s eyebrows shot up. “Why is your car at Steve’s?”

“I got too drunk so he drove me home.”

“Was it a fun car ride?”

“Fuck no. Can we talk about Heather now?”

Robin was giving him a weird look. She was smiling, but she also looked suspicious. She looked like she was trying to figure him out. Billy wished she wouldn’t. She probably already had.

“We hooked up.” Robin said.

“No shit. Anything more exciting to share?”

She thought about it then broke into a grin. “She came over to my house yesterday too.”

“Couldn’t get enough of ya?”

“Get your mind out of the gutter!” She shoved him. “My mom was home. We just watched a movie and made out. We’re going out tomorrow too.”

“So what? Are you guys going steady now?”

Her cheeks flushed and she looked down at her notebook. “Maaaybe,” she sang. “I don’t know, we haven’t talked about labels or anything but it seems to be heading in that direction.”

“And I’ll never have to listen to you talk about Tammy Thompson again?”

“Never, asshole.”

She didn’t bug him about Steve for the rest of class, which was nice. She also talked about Heather almost nonstop until the bell rang which was less nice. He was glad to see her happy though, even if being happy made her way too loud. She was goin’ out with Heather after school so they made plans to meet up tomorrow and hang out in their usual spot. Now that he knew she took fun drugs and didn’t just smoke weed he was all excited to take the pills he stole from Steve’s medicine cabinet with her.

He was thankful Robin still had band because it meant she couldn’t see him waiting at Steve’s car after school. Billy’d never hear the end of it from her if she saw Steve driving him around. Harrington came out about ten minutes after the last bell rang looking too happy for his own good. He probably took forever palling around with his friends, or kissing his girlfriend up against the locker.

“Hey,” he greeted, unlocking his car so Billy could get in.

“Hey,” Billy said back, making himself comfortable in the passenger seat.

Steve turned on the radio to some station Billy didn’t like and took off. They didn’t talk much. The new Bonnie Tyler single came on and Billy thought about changing the station but Steve started humming along so he kept it. He stored the memory away for future making fun of Steve material.

They drove through town and up the road that led to the rich neighborhoods. The Bonnie Tyler song ended and Steve finally started talking.

“Are you going to the Halloween party?” he asked.

“Man, don’t fuckin’ talk to me about parties right now. I still haven’t recovered from the last one.” Halloween was on Wednesday, that was way too soon.

“You can’t miss this one, everyone goes. Tina hosts every year, it’s a lot of fun. Last year Adrian broke his elbow jumping off the second-floor landing, it was awesome.”

“I don’t know if it’s really my thing.” Parties in Hawkins were proving themselves to be pretty awful, two out of two sucked so far.

“Come on,” Steve persisted.

“Isn’t it a school night?” Billy asked. He wasn’t sure when he turned into a nerd.

“No, it’s on Saturday. You can still take your sister trick or treating if you have to, I’m stuck hauling around Dustin and Mike with Nance.”

Billy would rather break his elbow jumping off of Tina’s second floor landing than take Maxine trick or treating, but he didn’t tell Steve that. They pulled up to his mansion and Steve put the car in park so he could look over at Billy. “Come on,” he pestered again, “It’ll be fun.”

“I’ll think about it,” Billy said. “Don’t get your hopes up. Thanks for the ride.”

He got out of the car before Steve could bug him again and finally got back in his own car. He missed driving around in it, he usually didn’t go more than a day without taking off somewhere. He spent a while getting the radio tuned how he liked it and sped off back home.

His dad got home early that night but he didn’t say anything about Billy coming home late Saturday night and his car being gone all weekend. He didn’t talk to Billy at all, which he was thankful for. He hated when Neil played nice, asking him about his day or his life or whatever. He didn’t do it often, but Neil still gave halfassed attempts to keep up appearances, pretend they were a happy family and didn’t hate each other’s guts.

Tuesday after dinner he picked up Robin and they parked up by the quarry. Nights were fuckin’ freezing at this point, so Billy layered two hoodies under his jacket and made Robin laugh. “That’s so LA of you.”

“I lived in San Diego, asshole. Have you ever even been to California?”

“What gave it away? Will you take me some time?”

“If you don’t bring Heather.”

“Whatever. Do you have booze or something?”

“Better.” Billy dug around in his jacket pocket and pulled out the pills he stole from Steve’s that were now safely kept in a plastic baggie.

“What are those?”

“Not Tylenol,” Billy told her, which was really all he knew for sure.

They each swallowed one dry and waited around to feel something. Robin sat on the hood of his car like she always did and Billy leaned next to her smoking. They didn’t kick in all at once like when he was drinking. It was a slow climb to feeling lighter, feeling happy. Billy felt happier than he could ever remember feeling, he couldn’t keep a damn smile off his face.

It felt like when he was little and surfing with his mom, he thought. It felt like he was on the beach, in the sun. It felt like the ocean was kissing his skin.

“What are you thinking about?” Robin asked him out of the blue. He guessed he was making a face because she was looking over at him, smiling herself and kicking her legs.

“The ocean.”

“That’s so San Diego of you.”

“What are you thinking about?”

“Heather.” God, Billy didn’t want to talk about Heather anymore. “She’s got soft hands.”

“Steve’s got nice hands.”

“Everyone’s got nice hands when you like them,” Robin said wisely.

“I don’t like Steve.” She didn’t respond. “Your theory doesn’t make sense anyways.”

“And why’s that?”

“I think your hands are ugly as shit.”

“Asshole!” She shoved him. “My hands are fine. I meant /like/ like anyway.”

“I have a confession,” Billy deadpanned.

“You’re such a dick,” she said, shoving him again for good measure.

They hung out for another few hours talking, and laughing, and eventually lying on the ground looking at the stars. You could see the stars really well in Hawkins, it was just about the only thing Billy liked about the place. Eventually he started feeling cold, and the pills wore off enough feeling cold pissed him off, so they went home.

The rest of the week dragged on like the weeks usually did. Everyone was getting excited about Tina’s Halloween party, and it seemed like no one wanted to talk about anything else. There was a lot of buzz around who was going with who, and what everyone was going to wear, and who could get booze. Billy didn’t see what all the buzz was about, it was just a party, but there wasn’t much else to do in Hawkins. Getting drunk at someone’s house was about all they had to look forward to.

Heather started sitting with him at lunch. He hadn’t had more than three conversations with Heather in his life so he wasn’t sure why she’d want to sit with him, but he didn’t mind. Since Robin and her were goin’ out now he figured she knew they were good friends. Robin had second lunch, so she probably didn’t have anyone to sit with either.

Turns out Heather was really cool. She was a lot quieter than Robin, and a lot calmer, but she liked to talk too. She asked Billy all about being a life guard back home and told him he had to get the job at the Hawkins pool over the summer. She really liked swimming, had done swim team since she was little. She mentioned Steve used to be on the guys team, which Billy found very interesting. His mind kept wandering to Steve in a little Hawkins High speedo.

She talked a lot about Tina’s party too, just like everybody else did. Her and Robin were going together, which wasn’t surprising but made Billy want to go even less. When it sucked, like he knew it would, he wouldn’t even have Robin to hang around with. He really needed to make more friends. He guessed he could hang around with Heather now, but she was the one Robin was running off with so it didn’t really help.

“We want to do a couples costume but we can’t agree on one.”

“What are your ideas?”

“I want to be the twins from The Shining.”

“That’s… not really a couples costume.” Billy said, wrinkling his nose.

“Uhh, yeah it is.” Heather wore her curly hair in a ponytail on the side of her head that flopped all over the place when she talked. “Robin wants to be Marilyn Monroe and JFK.”

“Who would be JFK?”

“Robin, duh. What are you going to dress up as?”

“I don’t dress up.”

“You have to dress up, it’s a costume party.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to go.”

“What?” She gasped like this was big news. “You have to go! Everyone goes! Maybe we can work you into our costume somehow. If we go as the twins you can be Jack, do you own any plaid?”

She kept going on and on about how great the party was going to be and in the end Billy agreed to go just to shut her up. He was roped in now, he guessed, but Heather made it seem like she actually wanted to hang out with him. Maybe her and Robin wouldn’t sneak off to hook up until later.

Wednesday was Halloween and Billy didn’t have any plans. He stopped by the store on his way home from school and bought two bags of candy. One was for trick or treaters the other was for Maxine since he didn’t plan on taking her out trick or treating. During dinner he told her he got a bag and she rolled her eyes so hard her whole head rolled with ‘em. “I’m going with my friends. I do have friends, you know.”

She dressed up in an ugly blue jumpsuit and a Michael Myers mask. She thought she was hilarious hiding around the house and jumping out at him with a plastic knife trying to scare him. She only made him jump once. She fucked off to go trick or treating and Billy hung around on the couch to hand out candy. He only made it half an hour before he got bored and turned off all the lights in the house so kids would stop knocking. He took the candy he bought for Max and curled up on the couch again. He put on their Halloween VHS since Max had got him in the mood and all. He only watched a couple movies and then went to bed feeling about five pounds heavier.

Saturday rolled around and thankfully Robin hadn’t called him trying to get him to participate in one of her and Heather’s weird ass couples costumes. He still felt like he should go though, even if he didn’t want to. He had gotten Tina’s address from Robin earlier in the week, and they agreed to meet up at the same time so he wouldn’t have to go in alone. She said he was being too stubborn. Billy didn’t see it.

He didn’t put on a costume or anything, just dressed up how he normally did. He put on a white shirt and his leather jacket (he lost it at Steve’s, Robin delivered it) since it was cold as shit and spent thirty minutes fixing his hair in the mirror.

He met up with Heather and Robin at half past ten. They were already there when he showed up, but they hadn’t gone in yet, just stood in the driveway chatting with each other. “What the hell are you guys supposed to be?” Billy asked as he approached them.

“We’re the twins from The Shining,” Robin said, but they didn’t really look like the twins from The Shining. They didn’t look like twins at all, really. They both had on blue dresses, but Heather’s was a loose sun dress and Robin’s had a tight, shiny top and a puffy tulle skirt. She told him it was from freshman homecoming. Heather wore her hair in a ponytail on the side of her head like she did and Robin’s was down like it always was. “You make shit twins,” Billy told them.

“What the hell are you supposed to be then?” Robin demanded.

“I don’t dress up.”

“Lame!” Heather sang.

They all went inside together and Billy didn’t mean to but he immediately started looking around for Steve. He didn’t see him anywhere, but there were a lot of people around wearing stupid costumes, Billy guessed he was the only one that didn’t bother dressing up. Robin led them to the kitchen and they got drinks. Billy and Robin usually spent a lot of time in the kitchen getting drunk and talking to everyone. He was a little worried Heather would ruin their routine, but she seemed happy enough to stand around with them and drink and not do much. They chatted with a vampire and a mummy about school for a while and drank their way through nearly three drinks each. 

Billy always told Robin she was the biggest lightweight he knew, but she was nothing compared to Heather. Heather had started acting pretty funny after her first drink, now she was laughing at everything Robin said and holding onto the counter to keep her balance. Her cheeks were flushed pink too, it matched the lipstick she had on. Robin sat on the edge of the counter and kicked her legs and laughed at Heather laughing at her. They were pretty cute, even Billy had to admit it. It was annoying when you were trying to hang out with them, they were a pretty annoying couple even if they weren’t actually acting couple-y. They already had about a hundred inside jokes they kept cracking up over and Billy couldn’t relate to at all.

Billy wasn’t drunk or anything, but he was definitely tipsy. He poured himself another glass and decided to go look for Steve.

“I’m gonna go look for the basketball guys,” Billy told them, interrupting the little giggle fest they had going on.

“You hate the basketball guys!” Robin said loudly which made Heather snort.

“Stop yelling.”

“I’m not yelling!”

Billy rolled his eyes and stalked off. There weren’t too many people out back, just the ones smoking on the porch and Billy was pretty sure Steve wouldn’t be out there. Maybe he was in the bathroom screaming at his girlfriend again, Billy wouldn’t mind that so much.

“What the _shit,_ Steve!”

“That was a goddamn accident!”

They didn’t even bother to get a bathroom this time! Billy followed the voices right to a corner of the living room. People were staring from the outburst and the two of them didn’t even seem to notice, they were just squawking at each other.

“Bullshit it was an accident!” Nancy yelled like the messy drunk girl she was.

Billy watched the scene unfold and tried to figure out what the hell was going on. They were both wearing matching red flannels and had little gray ears pinned to the top of their heads. Steve was holding a cup and Nancy had a big red stain on the white shirt she had on under the open flannel. He guessed Steve had thrown a drink on her or something. Or spilled it, maybe. He said it was an accident after all. Nancy stormed off in a big huff and Steve followed after her. Billy watched them go with a frown tugging at the corner of his lips.

He was looking forward to antagonizing Steve before he started yelling at his girlfriend right in the middle of the living room. Everyone else in this town was for shit anyway. Steve was for shit too since he had probably given Billy brain damage or something, but Billy still wanted to talk to him.

He sat down on the couch instead and people watched, taking the occasional sip of his drink. He didn’t feel like getting totally shitfaced at Tina’s house. It’d kind of lost its appeal since he could go out and drink with Robin whenever he wanted. The head injury that made hangovers about twelve times more painful than they needed to be was a bummer too.

He saw a group of guys dressed up as Ghostbusters, a princess Leia, no less than three couples were Danny and Sandy. For a party that put so much emphasis on the costumes no one really tried that hard. The effort Robin and Heather put in with their mismatched blue dresses seemed to be the standard around here. Everything was homemade, probably thrown together this morning. Billy wondered if there was even a costume shop anywhere around. He saw a Michael Jackson, a Prince, two cats…

“Do you not want to hook up with me?”

Jesus fuck. That snapped him out of it. Jen had appeared at his side while he had been watching everyone else have a good time. She was a half assed Madonna. Her crazy hair was done up on top of her head with a big bow. She had on a frilly black dress, ripped up tights, and a little jacket. She looked cute and everything, or she did before she opened her mouth.

“Uh, hi.” Billy said.

“This is the second time you haven’t called me,” she shrugged, “I just want to know if I should be waiting around for you or not.”

Billy didn’t think she’d been waiting around at all. He wasn’t sure if he wanted her to be. She was pretty, she clearly wanted it, he could hook up with her easy if he so desired. He just wasn’t sure that was even something he wanted. He knew you were supposed to want to hook up with girls, he was just never as interested as he thought a lot of other guys were. His mind was always wondering somewhere else, somewhere he didn’t want to think too hard about.

Maybe lots of guys thought about other guys sometimes. It had to be natural, morbid curiosity or something, but he was pretty sure even then it’d just be a quick thing. Maybe they’d think about what it would feel like to suck a dick, or kiss someone with a scratchy beard and then never think about it again, he was positive other guys didn’t spend time thinking about just lying in bed with a guy, or about how guys had such bigger hands than girls. The only guys who really thought about stuff like that were the queers. Billy wasn’t a queer or anything, he just thought too damn hard.

“I’m not really in the mood tonight,” Billy told her. “I didn’t know you’d been waiting around for me.”

“I haven’t been _waiting_ for you. I just haven’t gotten with anyone else incase you wanted to. You’re hotter than most of the guys here.” She looked out over the sea of bodies with a frown. “But I’m sure I’ll find someone. It’s alright.”

“You look good,” Billy told her.

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me. Is there a girl?”

Billy had been so worried he wouldn’t be able to get it up at the basketball party. She had been grabbing at his shoulder and making all her little sounds right in his ear and he didn’t feel a goddamn thing. He’d had his hand between her legs and she was so into it and he didn’t even think about it later. He’d hardly thought about it since. When he thought about that night the only thing that really stuck out to him was Steve Harrignton’s goddamn fingers on the back of his neck while he held Billy’s hair back.

“There’s not a girl, I just don’t feel like it.”

“Are you gay or something?”

Christ. “I just don’t feel like hooking up!”

“Relax! It was a joke! Now quit moping, do you want some company?”

Billy didn’t think he’d been moping. “Sure.”

He made room for her and they sat on the couch laughing together for a while. He gave her the rest of his drink and she got a bunch of lipstick on the rim when she drank it. They tried to guess everyone’s costumes, which proved to be difficult for a couple of the even more last-minute ones. A couple times she made him laugh so hard he almost fell off the couch.

“Carly looks like she’s dressed as my first period,” Jen said about a blonde in a tight little devil(?) outfit.

“Nah, she’s dressed as Harrington’s face after we fought.” 

“She’s dressed as Nancy after he threw that drink on her.”

“Did you see all that go down?” Billy asked, trying to sound less interested than he was.

“Not really,” she said. “Nancy just started screaming at him and he started screaming back and she had his drink all over her shirt.”

“If he threw it on her it wouldn’t be all over her shirt though. It’d be all over her face.”

“Whatever,” Jen shrugs like she doesn’t care. Billy realizes she probably doesn’t. “Why are you defending him? Didn’t he beat the shit out of you or something?”

“No! I beat the shit outta him, he just knocked me over and I hit my head wrong.” Twice.

“He’s kind of a douche. I guess you wouldn’t know that if you’re new. He used to like, date a lot of girls then break up with them after they hooked up. It was pretty shitty of him.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty awful.” Billy agreed, but he couldn’t say too much shit about it. He had been the same back in California. He hadn’t fucked over any of the girls in Hawkins yet, there weren’t really any girls here worth fucking over, but he had done it before. He wasn’t doing it to be a shitty guy or anything, most of the time he wasn’t even dating them. He just wanted to hook up and they’d want to start goin’ out. It was still his fault though, he led them on and everything.

“Yeah,” Jen agreed. “Well, you’ve got my number if you ever need me.” She said, giving his knee a pat and hopping off the couch. “Don’t want this outfit to go to waste, I’m gonna go talk to Jeremy!” She walked off in her cute little costume. Billy felt bad that she liked him, or that she wanted him or whatever. She was pretty, and she wasn’t afraid to say she wanted to have sex like a lot of girls were, a lot of guys went crazy for girls like that. He didn’t feel too bad though, he was sure she’d find someone to get in bed with by the end of the night.

Good for her.

After three and a half-ish drinks he was starting to get antsy. It was time to find the bathroom and take a leak. He had never been to Tina’s house before, but it wasn’t hard to find. He wandered upstairs, and found the one door that was shut. All the bedrooms had the doors wide open, probably not for long. Billy leaned up against the wall outside the wall and waited for his turn to go in.

The door opened up pretty fast after that and Billy came face to face with Steve.

“Déjà vu.”

Steve wrinkled his nose. “I don’t speak French.”

Billy pushed past him into the little bathroom and managed not to comment.

“Hey, why do I keep running into you in the fuckin’ bathroom?” Steve asked, turning around in the doorway to face him.

“I gotta piss, man.”

“It just seems…” Steve trailed off.

“Suspicious?”

“That’s the word!”

Steve was pretty drunk. Billy had never seen him act so stupid, which was definitely saying something. “The fuck are you dressed as?” Billy asked. He had a smudged nose and whiskers drawn on his face in eyeliner. Probably Nancy’s.

“I’m a werewolf!” Steve said, motioning to the little ears on his head. “Duh, dude.”

“You don’t have a tail or anything.”

“Werewolves don’t have tails!” Steve sounded really worked up.

“I’m pretty sure they have tails.”

“They don’t! How would you even know?” Billy opened his mouth to answer and Steve cut him off. “What are you dressed as then? You look like you always look.”

“I don’t dress up.”

“What!?” Steve sounded wounded. “It’s _Halloween_ , jackass. That’s the whole freaking point!”

Halloween was actually on Wednesday, but Billy didn’t point that out. “I don’t know! I don’t have a costume or anything.”

Steve looked Billy up and down and pursed his lips like he was thinking real hard about something. “If you take your shirt off you could be the Terminator.”

“I’m pretty sure the Terminator wore a shirt.”

“Not in the poster!”

“You didn’t even watch the movie? Sounds like you just want me to take my shirt off,” Billy grinned.

“You just ruined it,” Steve huffed. He kicked the door shut with both of them in the little bathroom and started digging around in the bathroom like he owned the place.

“Whatcha doin’?” Billy asked him. Steve didn’t answer, he had his head stuck too far in the cabinet below the sink.

Billy unzipped his jeans to take a leak.

“Are you- _OW,_ are you pissing?” Steve banged his head as he crawled out of the cabinet. “Oh my god you’re pissing!”

“I told you I needed to piss!”

“But why are you doing it right in front of me!”

“It’s not a big deal, stop fuckin’ watching!”

“I’m not watching!” Steve yelled as he watched Billy piss.

“Just go back to what you were doing!” Billy yelled right back. He was still pissing. Hell, he should have timed it.

Steve shoved his head back under the sink and started digging around again. He waited until the toilet flushed to pop back up. He had a baby blue bag in his hands that he set down on the counter.

“What the hell is that?” Billy asked, eyeing it suspiciously.

“Tina’s makeup bag.”

“I’m not drawing you new whiskers.”

“What’s wrong with my whiskers?” He looked in the mirror and saw how smudged they were. “Oh. But no, that’s not what I’m doing. You need a costume.”

“Oh, hell no!” Billy protested. “No way in hell are you putting makeup on me, asshole.”

“It’s Halloween!” Steve argued again even though Halloween was three whole days ago, this was just some stupid party.

“Makeup’s for chicks and queers.”

“You sound like my dad, man, sit down.”

“I’m not sitting down!”

Steve put his hand on Billy’s shoulder and guided him back toward the toilet. Billy wasn’t about to let Steve paint his face or anything, but Steve didn’t really touch him unless they were in a fight and it felt nice to have his hand on his shoulder. He put the lid down and sat on it. “This isn’t happening.” Billy said stubbornly.

Steve hummed and started digging around in the bag.

“How’d you know where that was anyway?” Billy asked him.

“Tina and I went out a couple years ago. Had to grab it for her a few times.”

Billy wondered if going out meant they were actually going out or if he screwed her and dumped her. It sounded like he spent a lot of time at her place at least.

“She did my makeup once,” Steve said, pulling the products he liked out of the bag and lining them up on the counter.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, she thought it’d be funny. She did a good job though, it was kind of fun.”

He was just offering this information up. Billy decided he liked drunk Steve, Steve should drink himself stupid more often. Maybe somewhere that didn’t have makeup around.

“Okay,” Steve said, grabbing a tube of _something_ and turning towards Billy, who jumped back as far as the toilet would let him.

“What the hell is that?”

Steve unscrewed it and pulled out a spikey stick. “Mascara.”

“Come again?”

“Eyelash stuff.” Steve mimed putting it on his eyelashes.

“No.” Billy said flatly. He wouldn’t let Steve anywhere near his eyeball with something that looked like a miniature torture device even if he was stone cold sober.

“ _Ugh,_ fine, you’re boring.” Steve tossed the mascara back into the bag and picked up a brush and a container with a little lid that flipped open. He swirled the brush around in it then moved toward Billy again, pausing right before he touched the brush to his face. “Is this okay?”

_Billy’s mom spends a long time doing her makeup. He isn’t sure why she spends so long doing it, because she always looks just about the same afterwards, but she likes doing it. Billy likes spending the time with her, so he doesn’t complain. He’ll sit on the closed lid of the toilet and watch her face as she squints at herself in the mirror, piling powder onto her cheeks, or her eyelids. She doesn’t like using any of the fun colors, she uses ones that look just like her skin, maybe a little lighter or darker. It’s to look natural, she tells Billy even though he doesn’t get it._

_“Why do you wear makeup?” He asks her one morning._

_“I like it, baby. It makes me feel better.”_

_“Can I try it?”_

_She looks at him like he’s saying something funny. Not in a mean way, she looks at him like he’s entertaining. “You really want to try it?”_

_Billy nods enthusiastically. She makes it look so fun. His dad never puts makeup on, maybe it’s more for girls. He’ll ask why later._

_His mom only has one color of lipstick, a soft pink that’s just a little more pigmented than her actual lips. “Hold still,” she says, and cups Billy’s chin. “Do this-“ she puckers her lips so Billy does the same. She smears the lipstick across his small lips. “Do this,” she rubs her lips together and Billy follows suit._

_“Adorable,” she says, smiling down at where he’s sat. He hops off the toilet and runs over to the mirror, stands on his tiptoes to lean over the counter and see himself better. He’s never seen his lips look so pink. He looks like his mom, the same light hair, light eyes, pink lips._

_“I like it.” Billy decides._

_“Good.” She leans down and gives him a kiss on the cheek that leaves a big pink mark. She lets him kiss her back so they match._

_Billy forgets he has the lipstick on a minute after putting it on. All the best cartoons are on Saturday mornings and he’s already missed the first chunk of them. He collapses on the couch in front of their little TV with a box of cereal and eats it straight from the bag. He’s only watched one episode when his dad comes downstairs and sits with him._

_“Hey, kid.”_

_“Hi,” Billy says, not looking away from the TV._

_“Are your lips chapped?” He asks after a minute._

_“Mom put lipstick on me,” Billy says through a mouthful of cereal._

_“She what? That shit’s for girls, Billy.”_

_“I’m just watching cartoons.” They’re not going anywhere; he doesn’t think it matters. It’s not like he’s trying to wear it to school. Not even the girls in his class are allowed to wear makeup in first grade. Makeup must just be for the older kids, but he doesn’t know who makes up the rules._

_“Get up, go wash that shit off.”_

_“I’m in the middle of an episode!” Billy whines._

_“I don’t care, get up.”_

_“But-“_

_His dad shoots up and grabs his small forearm in his big fist and yanks. He drops the cereal on the floor as he flies off the couch. “Ow!” Billy shouts as he trudges along behind his dad. “That hurts!” His dad ignores him and marches him over to the kitchen sink and grabs a bar of soap. He gets it all sudsy under the faucet then starts scrubbing hard at Billy’s face, cupping his chin but not anything like his mom did. His fingers and thumb dig into his cheeks painfully on either side of his face forcing his lips into a pucker. He tries to protest because it hurts, and the soap is getting into his mouth, and it’s hard to breathe but his dad just keeps scrubbing._

_Eventually he sets the bar of soap back and throws a washcloth at him. “Clean yourself up,” he snaps. Billy grips the washcloth with shaking hands and starts wiping soap off the tender skin. “Makeup isn’t something you should be playing around with Billy, it’s for girls.”_

_“Mom likes it.”_

_“Do you want to be like your mother?”_

_Billy doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t see what would be so bad about being like his mom._

_“You’re not a girl.” Neil shoves his shoulder. “Knock off the queer shit, alright? It’s getting embarrassing. Now go watch your cartoons.”_

_Billy gets all the soap off his face and returns to his episode of The Biskitts. His dad hadn’t waited until the commercials to drag him off so he has no idea what’s going on anymore. His dad stomps his way upstairs and starts screaming at his mom. Billy feels awful that he got his mom in trouble, but he doesn’t want to get grounded, or yelled at more so he turns up the TV until he can’t hear the voices upstairs._

Billy didn’t want the damn makeup on his face, but Steve was crouched over to lean close to where he was sitting. When he spoke Billy could smell the alcohol on his breath, they’d never been close like this before. He could see a bunch of freckles on Steve’s nose that he had never noticed before. Freckles or blackheads, he couldn’t tell.

“If you want.” Billy said finally.

Steve started rubbing the brush along his cheek. It felt weird, tickled almost, but he was still standing close so Billy didn’t say anything. Steve dipped the brush in the powder again and repeated the process on his other cheek.

He pursed his lips again making his thinking really hard face and put the powder down just to grab another one and dip his finger in it. “Ew,” Billy said, but Steve ignored him.

“Close your eyes.”

Reluctantly Billy did. Steve rubbed one clumsy finger all over his eyelid. He was too drunk to control his limbs, he used more pressure than he probably should have. Billy scrunched up his face and flinched away but Steve didn’t let up until both eyelids had been thoroughly coated by the product on Steve’s finger.

“Open,” Steve demanded. He was right there, staring into Billy’s eyes. Billy swallowed and wished he had another drink. Three and a halfish was way too sober to be dealing with this, dealing with Steve looking at him like that. When he finished examining his handywork with the eyeshadow he moved away and Billy could breathe again.

Steve grabbed a tube of lipstick and Billy regretted ever agreeing to this. “Open your mouth.” Billy snorted and Steve glared. “Not like that, pervert.”

Billy parted his lips and Steve popped the cap off the lipstick. It was a deep red color that Billy wouldn’t have hated on a girl. He hated this, though. Hated every goddamn second of it. Steve being right up in his face made Billy feel so small.

Steve cupped Billy’s cheek with one hand, thumb resting on his chin. He ran the lipstick over his bottom lip painfully slow, like he was trying really hard to keep it in the lines. Billy’s face felt like it was burning up where Steve was touching it. Hell, Steve could probably _feel_ him flushing under his fingertips. If he couldn’t feel the blush, he’d definitely be able to hear the hammer of Billy’s heart.

“Let’s stop,” Billy said as soon as the lipstick left his mouth.

“I only did your bottom lip.”

“Tina would freak if she knew you were putting her makeup all over my face.”

Steve ignored him and want in for the top lip. When he was done Billy rubbed his lips together. “Tastes good,” he said.

“Does it?” Steve was still standing too close, still cupping Billy’s face. He was staring at Billy’s lips with his thinking face on again, but he wasn’t moving away. The touch of Steve’s hand was making Billy’s brain short circuit and he couldn’t do anything but sit there. Sit on the toilet, staring at Steve staring at his lips. Neither of them moved for what felt like an eternity. Billy was kind of worried neither of them would move first and they’d be stuck there all night, but a pounding on the door snapped them out of it and caused Steve to jump about a foot in the air. “Coming!” He said quickly, followed by “I’m taking a piss go away!”

He started shoving Tina’s makeup back in the bag and Billy got up to check himself out in the mirror. The moment, if that even was a moment, had passed.

“What the fuck did you do to me?” Billy groaned when he saw his reflection. He looked like a goddamn circus clown. He had obnoxious pink patches on his cheeks, bright blue eyeshadow that went all the way up to his eyebrows, and bright red lipstick smeared around his lips in a messy ring. He looked ridiculous.

“It’s your costume,” Steve told him as he shoved the makeup bag back under the sink.

“What the hell am I supposed to be?”

“I don’t know. Tell everyone you’re the guy from Twisted Sister.”

Billy frowned at his reflection. “I hate Twisted Sister.”

“Then say you’re… you’re what’s his name…” he snapped his fingers- “David Lee Roth!”

“David Lee Roth doesn’t even look like this!”

“They all look the same! And they all wear makeup, Nance says she can tell.”

“She doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about.”

“Whatever, I tried.” Steve messed up his hair with his hand. “I should go. You should, like, count to ten then follow me out.”

“We weren’t doing anything. Why would I count?”

“Oh. I guess- yeah. Yeah, you’re right, I’m being stupid.”

They left the bathroom and went their separate ways. Steve said something about needing to find his girl, and Billy wanted to be as far away from that as possible. He hadn’t even made it back to the living room when he felt someone slam into his side.

“What happened to your face?” Robin asked enthusiastically, hanging all over him.

“Apparently this is my costume.”

“When did this even happen? Oh my god, who’s makeup is this?”

“Tina’s.”

“You let Tina do your makeup before me?” She sounded hurt, Billy hoped she wasn’t getting any ideas. No way was he ever going to walk around looking anything like this again.

“It wasn’t my idea.” He didn’t tell her it was actually Steve who got him all dolled up, he didn’t feel like having the ‘no, Rob, I don’t have a crush on Steve goddamn Harrington’ talk.

“You look cute. I should go though, Heather wants to get out of here. Are you alright here?”

“Is she good to drive?” Billy asked.

Robin nodded. She seemed pretty okay so Billy didn’t give her a hard time. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just be safe and shit, okay?”

Robin rolled her eyes. “Okay, _dad._ You want me to call you here when I make it home too?”

“Shut up, man. Your parents gonna flip if you show up this late with her?”

“It’s just my mom and she’s not... it’ll be fine.” Robin said.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Have fun,” Billy told her.

“You too. I just saw Steeeve.” She sang his name a waggled her eyebrows, giving him a half hug before running off.

“Bye, Bill!”

“Bye, Rob.”

He thought about going for another drink, but without Robin and Heather to keep him busy he’d probably head out soon and he wanted to be at least somewhat clear headed for the drive home. He felt pretty stupid with his face all painted so he stepped onto the back porch where there were only a few stragglers from the party and lit up a cigarette. Halfway through his smoke Tommy came over to talk.

They hadn’t been talking lately, but they weren’t really fighting. Billy just thought Tommy was an asshole, Tommy probably felt the same.

“Hardly recognized you without Carol,” Billy said, blowing out a puff of smoke that curled into the air.

“Hardly recognized you without your hangover sunglasses,” Tommy replied.

“I wore those one time, man.”

“Yeah, and they were fucking ugly.”

“You’re one to talk.” Tommy didn’t actually look that bad or anything. He was dressed about the same as Billy was, minus all the makeup. Him and Carol were one of the three Danny and Sandy’s, but you could only tell who they were supposed to be if they were standing next to each other.

Tommy was smoking a joint and he let Billy have a few hits. They shot the shit for a while and it wasn’t too bad. He almost missed talking to him, even though he thought Tommy was an asshole. They hadn’t even been talking for half an hour when the back door opened and Carol came out, gluing herself to her usual spot against Tommy’s side.

“You should come inside. Like, now.”

“Why? What’s going on?” Tommy asked her.

“Steve just got into a fight with Byers!” She said excitedly.

“No way! Who won?” Tommy sounded just as excited. Christ, he was worse than Billy remembered.

“Who do you think?” Tommy gave Billy a little wave and they took off inside again. Billy didn’t know shit about Byers other than he was supposedly hooking up with Nancy behind Steve’s back. He didn’t even have a clue what the guy looked like, let alone if he could kick Steve’s ass. Billy followed them inside and sure enough everyone had made their way into the living room and crowded around the scene. Billy pushed and shoved his way through the mass of people but he didn’t see Harrington. He saw the priss all backed up in a corner though. Nancy was back against the wall with silent tears running down her face and screwing up her whiskers. She was standing next to a tall guy, with dark hair and sunken eyes. He wasn’t in a costume, didn’t have makeup all over his face either, Billy was only a little jealous. He figured it was Byers. He didn’t look too roughed up or anything, which meant Steve probably did.

Billy maneuvered his way out of the living room and headed into the kitchen. Sure enough Steve was there surrounded by a group of guys from the basketball team, helping him wrap a thing of frozen peas in a towel so he could hold it up to his bloodied face. Billy’d seen Steve look worse, but he looked pretty fucking awful. It looked like his eyebrow had got busted open, there was blood dripping all the way down his cheek, over his eye, around his nose and to his lip. A little even curled beneath his chin. He managed to hold onto the peas with one hand, the other was holding another plastic cup. He took a sip of the drink and Billy cut into the conversation. “Are you serious, man?”

Steve looked startled, like he hadn’t expected Billy to be there. “I’m thirsty.”

“Is that water?”

“Um. Yeah.” The basketball guys snickered. Billy glared at them.

“I can’t believe you guys are still letting him drink.” He had been a little too drunk when they were in the bathroom together, Billy could only imagine how many he’d managed to down in the thirty minutes they were separated.

“He wanted it!” Todd said defensively. They were still assholes even if they helped him out with the frozen peas. Drunk people wanted a lot of shit. The less drunk people had to tell them no.

“Go away. Give him some space.” Billy snapped at the group of guys and they dispersed without much of a fuss. None of them had looked particularly worried, Billy wondered if this was a regular occurrence.

“You alright?” he asked Steve when everyone else had gone.

“Peachy,” he said flatly.

“What happened?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

“Byers kicked the shit out of you?” Billy guessed with a taunting smile. He couldn’t help it, it slipped onto his face against his will.

“I started it. I got a good punch in and everything.”

“Why’d you fight him.”

“He was talking to Nance. Does that mean he started it?” Steve looked sad and pathetic with the blood all over his face. He didn’t look tough like people sometimes did when they were bloodied up. He looked like a kicked puppy with his huge brown eyes beneath dark, furrowed eyebrows. His makeup whiskers were smeared all over the place, one of his clip on ears had fallen off too.

“I don’t know if he started it, but he had it coming.” Billy supplied.

“I guess.” He downed the rest of the cup and Billy cringed. He should’ve taken the damn drink from him when he had the chance. Steve set down the peas and got himself another drink from the nearly drained punch bowl.

“You really shouldn’t-“ Billy started, but Steve had already thrown his head back and started chugging the liquor from the cup. “That’s plenty,” Billy cut in and wrestled the cup out of his grip. A lot of it spilled down Steve’s face in the process of snatching the cup away, some of it got all over Billy too.

“I’m not a fucking child!” Steve yelled with punch dripping down his chin and leaving a sticky rim around his mouth. He wiped his lips on his sleeve and stormed out of the kitchen and off to god knows where, leaving Billy alone, pissed off, and a little sticky in the kitchen. He set the cup down on the counter with more force than necessary and stomped his way out back for another cigarette.

There was a lipstick mark around the end of his cigarette, which just upset him even more. He looked like the worlds ugliest hooker all because Steve stood a little too close and Billy forgot how to say no. Forgot how to say anything at all really, he almost forgot how to breathe. Steve just did stupid things to him. Stupid things that turned him into a total jackass that just sat around and let other guys put makeup all over him. He kept having to remind himself that this was a Halloween party. Everyone looked like a jackass, no one was looking at him and thinking he was a total queer. No one knew how tight his throat got when Steve was rubbing blue eyeshadow up to his eyebrow with one gross finger.

He didn’t want to be at the damn Halloween party anymore. He stubbed out the cigarette and passed back through the house to leave out the front door. In the driveway he saw Harrington climbing into his fancy car. Well, not really climbing. He was tripping all over himself and falling into the driver’s seat. He was so drunk he’d probably crash the thing and hurt himself before he got out of the driveway, so Billy headed over.

“The fuck do you think you’re doing?” Billy asked, tugging his door open and glaring into the car. Steve couldn’t even get the thing started, he could barely hold his head up.

“’M goin home,” Steve slurred. “My face hurts, Nance hates me, and I want to go to bed.” He looked so pathetic sitting in his car, all bloodied up and so drunk he couldn’t talk. Billy sort of felt bad for him. He thought Steve might start crying or something, but then his mouth twisted into a smile that almost looked pained and he burst out laughing.

“What?” Billy demanded. “What the hell are you laughing at?”

“You just look so dumb!” Steve cackled out.

Billy didn’t feel bad for him anymore. “Out of the car, asshole.”

Steve put up a fight but Billy was still able to wrestle him out of the driver’s seat in the end. He wrapped an arm around Steve’s middle and helped Steve wrap one around his neck. He wasn’t too steady on his feet but Billy managed to help him down the street to the Camaro. “What’re you doin’?” Steve asked.

“Driving you home, dumbass.”

“Youuu- you were drinkin’ too.”

“I owe you one. If you puke in my car I’m actually going to kill you,” Billy warned.

“How in the dick would I control that!?”

“Christ, come here.” Billy got his hands on Steve’s shoulders. Steve gave him a questioning look that Billy didn’t dwell on. He turned him away and spun him around and around, the same way he spun Robin the night she got too drunk and he had to drive her home from the quarry. He spun the stumbly Steve Harrington until he hiccupped and really started to look unsteady. Billy jumped back before he could hurl all over him. He got out of the splash zone just in time for Steve to double over and blow chunks all over the sidewalk.

“Better out than in, man,” Billy said quietly, rubbing Steve’s back while he caught his breath. He looked terrible, a string of spit hanging from his lips and his eyes watering as he stood doubled over on the sidewalk over a pool of his own vomit.

“What the fuck was that?” Steve gasped.

“Didn’t want you puking in my car.”

“You’re such a dick.” He made a halfhearted attempt to smack Billy but he missed and didn’t try again. He was mostly focused on trying to catch his breath. Billy was pretty sure he could go a car ride without puking again though, so he let Steve into his car.

He had a water bottle in the cup holder that he let Steve drink from. He rinsed out his mouth, dug a piece of gum out of his pocket, and then decided they could go. He was still drunk off his ass, but he seemed a little clearer headed. Puking sobered Billy up faster than anything else. Puking and smoking. He dug his pack out of his pocket as he sped down the road away from Tina’s house and offered the pack to Steve, who lit himself one and smoked out of the rolled down window, not saying another word.

The drive to Steve’s house was short and silent, Billy didn’t even fuck with the radio. He was worried Twisted Sister would come on and Steve would have a big laugh about how he managed to get Billy to sit still and let him put makeup all over his face.

Steve’s driveway was empty when Billy pulled up. Hopefully that meant his parents were out and he wouldn’t have to worry about Steve stumbling in like a monster and waking everyone up. “Here’s your stop, pretty boy. Feeling alright?”

Steve snorted. “Shut up. I know I look like shit, I feel like shit too.”

Billy thought he was pretty well sobered up by that point, but all that flew out the window when Steve looked at him. He felt stupid when Steve looked at him, like he was wasted and his brain wasn’t working right. He almost wanted to tell him, just blurt out all the shit he’d been feeling about him, and thinking about him, and ask if he’d ever felt the same. Definitely drunk thoughts. Drunk, terrible thoughts. “You don’t look half bad,” Billy told him. It wasn’t accompanied with a cruel laugh, or a sharp, taunting smile.

“You don’t either.” Steve looked just like he did in the bathroom, except now the side of his face was covered in blood. His lips were pink and parted, his eyes were staring at Billy’s mouth like he was thinking about doing it, about leaning in and kissing him. Billy couldn’t imagine Steve thinking about queer shit, but why else would he be staring at him like that? “What were you saying about the lipstick earlier?” Steve asked, voice barely above a whisper but clear as day in the still silence of the car.

“It tastes goods.”

Steve was leaning in so slowly Billy wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t looking. His big brown eyes darting between meeting Billy’s gaze and staring at his lips. Billy’s lips stretched into a lazy grin as he watched Steve’s eyes dart around like he was trying to make up his mind. It seemed pretty clear he already had.

Billy leaned in to meet him. To kiss Steve Harrington like he had been thinking about since the first time he saw him rubbing up on his priss girlfriend in Tammy Thompson’s kitchen. He didn’t care if he looked like a freak all covered in makeup, Steve looked awful too. He probably tasted like shots and puke and Billy didn’t care. Just before their lips touched Billy closed his eyes. Steve’s hand fell on his shoulder and instead of pulling him closer it shoved him away.

Billy heard it before he saw it, the gut curling cough, and heaving, and splatter of Steve throwing up. He had turned away, thank fuck. He didn’t get it all over Billy, just puked all over his sneakers and the floor of Billy’s precious Camaro. When his eyes snapped open he saw Steve doubled over, arms wrapped around his middle.

“I’m sorry,” Steve said after a moment, sounding awful. His words were garbled, and miserable. He was still drunker than Billy thought. Billy couldn’t speak, just stared at him. Harrington had just about kissed him then barfed all over his car. Billy went out of his way to give him a free ride home and this was what he got? God, if they had cut to the chase just a second earlier that’d be all over Billy’s _mouth_ right now. “I’m sorry,” Steve tried again and Billy got out of the car.

He couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t look at the vomit on the floor. They had almost kissed, and Steve was wasted, and now his car, his pride and goddamn fucking _joy_ was ruined. He hoped Steve’s parents weren’t home, because he stormed right up to the front door and turned the knob. It was locked, though. Of course it was locked.

Fuck.

He took a few deep breaths to try and calm himself down but it didn’t work. He was just getting more and more worked up. It wasn’t really fair of him to be mad at Steve, at least not for the blowing chunks thing. But the kissing thing… Steve had definitely initiated that. He was the one who started staring at his mouth with his huge eyes. He was the one who started leaning in like he wanted something to happen. Billy walked back to the car and threw open the passenger door. Steve looked up at him and his big eyes looked guilty. Billy almost felt bad again. “Give me your keys.”

“Wha’ d’you need my keys for?”

“I’m going to go inside and get you a towel and you’re going to clean your puke out of my car before I lose my shit, man.”

Steve dug around in his pocket uselessly. Billy had to bite his bottom lip to keep from screaming. Steve managed to wriggle the keys free eventually though and he held them out to Billy. There were only two keys on the ring, the one to the fancy Beamer and a smaller one that must’ve been the house key. Billy let himself in and started poking around all over the kitchen looking for cleaning stuff. Under the sink he found a bucket and some old rags. He filled it with hot, soapy water and took all the rags with him, just to be safe. He grabbed a pair of plastic yellow gloves that went up to the elbow, paper towels, and a trash bag too. He felt like a maid or something walking out of Harrington’s huge house with all the cleaning supplies, but there was no way in hell he was going to be the one to scrub up Steve’s vomit. “Alright, Harrington, hope you’re ready to clean- Jesus Christ.” Steve was passed out in the seat, his head lolling back and his mouth open. “Harrington, hey.” Billy shoved his shoulder and Steve made a gurgling noise in the back of his throat but didn’t stir. He shook him harder and Steve’s eyes snapped open with a start. “I brought you cleaning shit,” Billy said, pointing at the bucket.

“’M real sorry,” Steve mumbled, giving him that miserable look again.

“Just get up and clean it, alright?”

“I don’t know if I can get up.” He tried anyway, turned sideways on the seat and slid out of the car. As soon as his feet hit the ground he fell forward and landed on his hands and knees with a little yelp. “Shit, ‘m sorry, Bill.”

“Get the hell up.” Billy offered his hand and with some struggling Steve managed to get to his feet. It was pretty clear he wasn’t going to be able to clean up his mess, and Billy didn’t feel like standing around yelling at him while he tried to mop it all up, so he just wrapped an arm around Steve and helped guide him into his house. They went up the staircase closest to the front door and Billy helped Steve all the way to his bedroom before easing him onto his bed. Steve immediately flopped backwards and closed his eyes. Billy felt bad just leaving him so he took off Steve’s shoes and left them on the floor for him. He helped him kick his feet onto the bed and get laying the right direction with his head on the pillow.

For such a fancy house Steve’s bedroom was pretty boring. There was ugly plaid wallpaper with matching ugly curtains. A little desk was tucked into the corner with a lamp, and some school books on it. There was a dresser with some sports trophies on top, some clothes spilling out onto the floor, and a bed. There weren’t any pictures, any knickknacks around, it was kind of sad. Kind of empty. “Try not to choke on your vomit while you’re sleeping.” Billy said, rolling him onto his side.

“Wait,” Steve grumbled into the pillow, not opening his eyes. He grabbed at Billy’s hand on his shoulder and held on. “You should stay.”

“I can’t do that.”

“How come?” 

Billy ignored the question but he didn’t move. Selfishly, he stayed right where he was and enjoyed the way drunk Steve would grab at him, would hold his hand and ask him to hang around. “’M face itches,” Steve grumbled next, and started scratching at the dried blood on his face. It was sad to watch.

“I’ll be right back,” Billy told him, and wandered into the bathroom. It was attached to Steve’s room like they always were in big, fancy houses. The walls in the bathroom were painted a pale shade of green and his shower curtain had palm trees all over it. It was small and messy but Billy still thought it was pretty cool. He dug around under the sink and found a washcloth. He got it wet and went back into Steve’s room sitting on the edge of his bed. “Roll over,” he commanded and Steve complied, rolling onto his back so Billy could reach the blood. He started gently rubbing at the dried blood with the wet cloth and cleaning Steve’s face. He looked better cleaned up, but he didn’t look great. He was too pale. Around his eyes were too dark. Steve laughed a weak laugh when Billy tried wiping the blood off the corner of his lip and whined that it tickled. Billy wasn’t in much of a laughing mood, but he liked seeing Steve laughing a lot more than he liked seeing him look miserable.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna stay?” Steve asked when Billy finished and set the wet cloth down on his nightstand.

“Positive. If you remember all this in the morning call me, yeah?”

“I’ll remember,” Steve said dutifully. “And I’ll call you. I’ll get your number from Dust.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Hey Bill?”

“What?”

“Can you do me a favor?” Steve had his eyes closed again.

“What do you want?”

“I need help taking my jeans off.”

“I’m gonna go,” Billy sighed, rolling Steve onto his side one last time and ruffling his hair. “Goodnight, man.”

Steve didn’t reply. He probably fell asleep.

Billy went back into Steve’s bathroom and scrubbed his own face clean. His skin was red and raw where he scrubbed all the makeup off and it left him feeling vulnerable. Exposed, almost. That was the last thing he wanted to feel while standing in Steve’s house. Hell, he had already been there too long. When he passed back through the bedroom to leave Steve was snoring.

Billy was especially thankful Steve’s parents were out when he spent forty five minutes outside their house scrubbing Steve’s vomit out of his car. He listened to the radio while he worked, they always played better music after midnight. He ended up tossing all the rags he used and the plastic gloves because they were gross now. Mrs. Harrington wouldn’t want to use vomit gloves to wash their dishes or anything. He didn’t know what to do with the bucket, or the trash bag full of rags, and paper towels, and Mrs. Harrington’s yellow gloves, so he tossed it all. The neighbors had a big plastic trashcan out front so Billy hid the evidence in there.

His car didn’t smell like puke or anything like he feared, it just smelt like dish soap. It was nearly two in the morning when he backed himself out of Steve’s driveway. Just as he was leaving Twisted Sister came on the radio singing Sin After Sin. Billy didn’t believe in a higher power or anything, but he was certain this was the universe playing some sort of sick joke on him.


End file.
